My Ramblings (:

2007-08-18T18:00:00.000+08:00

Damn it why am I crying.

Cheryl;
I'm sorry for being unreasonable. It was all my fault. I'm sorry ): I'm glad things are okay within half an hour. But trust me, those few minutes we quarreled got me depressed. I'm really sorry for getting angry over the smallest things. I'm sorry I lied to you. I'm sorry I didn't do my part as a best friend. I'm sorry. I just want to let you know that you're impt to me. Because you're my sister, my best friend, my les (: I love you honey. Thank God everything's fine. Don't keep anything from me anymore okay. We're not going to drift apart.

Love.

It felt like we were not going to talk to each other anymore. I know I told you I feel like quarreling with you because we haven't been in a cold war for ages, but after just now I think I don't want to fight with you anymore. My heart cannot take that kinda games. I love you super a lot.
Having a pretty bestiepoopsiesnehneh like you makes me the coolest person on earth(:

2007-08-18T17:26:00.000+08:00

My heart is beating so hard, so fast now.

Today is so depressing.

I never knew this will happen to me. Somehow I feel like an idiot. Well, I've always been, isn't it?

Prelims in 5 days. Please don't play these kinda games with me now. No... I don't want it.

I don't feel like studying anymore.
How great.

2007-08-12T20:52:00.000+08:00

Okay, I've decided to be back just to give thanks!

Thank you everyone, for making my sweet 16 oh-so-sweet. Although yeah, I admit I didn't want it to arrive, but it did anyway. And thank God for some of you, who remember my birthday either through friendster (-.-) or by memory (:D)!

Really thank you all.
And people like Clara, Siqi, Val and Chrys, I don't know how you guys can remember, but well, I was touched. Really. GOD BLESS ALL OF YOUUU.

To the cell; (HEARTS, HUGS, KISSES, TEARS AND LAUGHTER;;)
I really thank God my birthday falls on a Sunday because (I know) you guys will DEFINITELY come up with something stupid yet wonderful for me. I know I kept hearing, "Oh shit, no candle! How?!" but I pretended not to know anything. STILL, everything was so sweet. Thanks Raina, Cor, Cheryl, Gina, Jas, Jas and Lynette! You girls are powerful please. I love you all so much! :D Really enjoyed every moment with you all. Be it the fun at camps, or the heart-to-heart sharing times, or the comforting hugs and stuff you all brought into my life. Thank God to be placed in this cell. I really really really really cannot live without people like you guys even though there are only a small number of us! (:

Oh yes, thanks to the many other FCBC-ians who wished me birthday too. LOVE.

Thank you bestie.
I heart you so much.
I'm so sorry I cried over something so small and stupid. And you'd to go, "Janice, please don't cry, it's your birthday today." Thank you for everything. I love your presents! (I know I can't say just in case Oyster checks out my blog.) But girl, thank you for watching me cry and being there when I felt so weak. Thank you for calling me at 0000 just to wish me happy birthday. Thank you for chatting with me until 2 am and staying out with me so late when you have an exam tomorrow. You're so so so so so pretty today. I'm so proud to have a bestie like you. Someone so supportive, so sweet, so kind and lovely. Yay, I lost my first kiss to you today (: HEART HEART HEART HEART.
XOXO.

Thank you Jas Loo and Charissa Poh!
I love you two babes as well! :D I think camwhoring with you two are the best, especially with Charissa as my photographer. Really. You guys are great. Making me laugh non-stop. Mocking me. Doing weird stuff like blocking that lady in the toilet. OMGGG the part when we spent camwhoring with Cheryl just now was wonderful. Thank you Jas, for the sweet thing you made for me and the shirt that goes, "Shopping cures depression"! And thanks for that helium balloon. It's so cute and sweet!
Thank you Charissa, for celebrating my sweet 16 with me even though we're not that close, well, until today (: Thank you for everythinggg. You're superly funny. I'm sure Cheryl and Jas thinks you're the funniest too.
Other than "thanks", I really don't know what else to say. XOXO

Camwhoring together, from tallest to shortest! *coughcough*

On the toiletbowl (:

Jas's Low's present! :D

That is Charissa by the way. And Cheryl's itchy finger.

They said I look good here, so thank you Little Miss Photographer! :D

Thank you to Chrys, for sending me 16 testimonials! LOVE.
Thank you CK's ex-girlfriend! (:
Thank you CK (:
Thank you Evelyn (Bimbo, I love you!)
Thank you Nafisah! (August babes rock right!)
Thank you Shirlene (:
Thank you EVONNE THE SEXY ASS (:
Thank you Eunice (:
Thank you Clara (:
Thank you Jasmine Law (:
Thank you bestie AND oyster! (:
Thank you Jazz (:
Thank you Meishi (:

Oyster;
I know you can't read this but treat bestie nicely if not you'll get it fr me. Hohohohohoho. Thanks for wishing me birthday although it was quite unexpected.

To the sms-ers, there are a lot of you. I hope I don't miss anyone out!
JASMINE LOO; JASMINE LOW; JASMINE TAN TELEPATHIC FRIENDDDD;
(Okay, all the Jasmines in the world!)
CLARA LEONGGG; CHELSEA (I didn't know you were so sweet. Sweet enough to make me tear a little. Love you!); HUI WEN (I miss you! LOVE.); BESTIE :D LYNETTE YAP; LYNETTE CHUAAA; RAINAAA; CHRYSTAL; SIQI; SHERMAINE; CHESED; DAPHNE TANNN; EZEKIEL; VALERIE;;

I'm quite tired now but this has to go on forever.

Thank you Daddy for the camera (:
And mommy for everything.
And kor, for asking me if my MP3 is still working. I know you wna get me a new one, right :D

Thank you cousin Daphne the smart ass shit. I know you're 897398764 times smarter than me but I still love you because you are one who cares so much about me even though you're 3 years younger than I am.

Thank you for the blog dedications. (I'm sorry I haven't got the time to read yet because I'm so busy today.)

Thank you for uhm, the POWERPOINT!
I love you Jasmine Low the TALLEY! I haven't seen the powerpoint yet, but preparing to tear a bit (((:

Thank You Daddy God for creating the people mentioned above, and bringing them into my life. Oh man, You're the best. I'm sorry for rebelling against You all the time. But You're so forgiving that no matter what I do, You will never leave me. Yes, I know no matter what I do, You will never love me less. Thank You for Your unconditional love, and creating me the way I am. I love You (: Trulyyy.

Online shopping with Evelyn is love (:
It's going to rain, but no, Jan is not emo tonight (:

Jasmine Law;
My turtle is cutest, yes? I know you're just jealous!
I love youuu bimbo! *hugs*

P/S; Due to time constraint, not going to post all photos. But, enjoy!

I love 120807.
AHHH, so much love (:

Thank you to those giving me belated stuff! (: (Just in case I won't be here again to thank you guys!)

2007-08-01T18:15:00.000+08:00

Yesterday's NAPFA killed me! I'm aching all over now, yes.

And oh my goodness I just realised August is like a "broke month" or something because there are just so many August babies I feel like killing all of them!

I'm like, broke, and I still have to get presents for 93872587896 people. Now tell me, where is the justice! D:

Okay I'm rambling too much.

*cough* I think my *cough* birthday *cough* is in *cough* a few *cough* days *coughcough*

~~But 23985790 people came up to me and told me they don't want my birthday to come because it means the exams are nearing.~~

I woke up with a fever but dragged myself to school.
Thank God fever started last night and got better this morning. I cannot afford to miss any lesson, really.

After whatever that had happened yesterday, I kinda learnt something good out of it. Special thanks to those who made my day. You know who you are lah huh (: Love you all.

And I think I love camwhoring with Jas Tan (: We took 30 over photos yesterday because both of us were feeling down and needed each other's support. I can't believe we both cried at the same time but managed to cheer each other up anyway. It so stupid I felt so stressed up that I just dropped dead on the floor outside 4e2 classroom just tearing for no particular reason. & everyone thought I was crying because I didn't do well for NAPFA.

To ______;
I didn't expect you to send me that bible verse, asking me if I were okay every now and then. I felt really bad, I'm serious. I don't think I deserve that kinda encouragement from you because I didn't care for you when you needed someone in the past. But thanks, for seeing me inside out, knowing that something was bothering me, making sure I was fine even though you know I won't be fine. Thanks for being patient. I'm sorry if I showed you attitude whatsoever, but you know, I still treasure the friendship we had. It may be a short-lived friendship, but nevertheless, we will always be sisters-in-Christ isn't it? I'm really thankful for you, if not I would be so sad that nobody gave a damn about me. I love you (: Remember, God will be with you too!

& a biggg THANK YOU to those offering me hugs! *blushes*

I know she won't be able to read this, but Baz was really sweet esp when she kept cheering me on when I did the shuttle run. For those who knew me from Sec 1 will know that I fell because of shuttle run and it hurt really bad so I had some kinda phobia up till now. In the end I failed my shuttle run twice but because of Baz, I did it! :D :D LOVEEE. I really treasure this 4 years of lab partner.

Not prepared to leave TK yet.

I'm still in love with Evonne's sexy butt I really don't know what to do with that infatuation. Somebody kill me lah I don't feel like sitting behind her anymore! Hahahahahahahaha.

Jas Tan needed someone to massage her butt because it was aching from the NAPFA yesterday. And guess what? I volunteered myself! Haha oh man I feel like I'm associated with the word "butt" or something.

CRAAAP.

I don't feel like studying.
Losing the momentum.

HOHO.
I just want to play bridge.

Oh yes, Chelsea got to MJ DSA. I almost dropped my phone when I received her msg yesterday night. & when I called her "Chelsea love", she thought I was horny. Thanks ah.
That means, if by God's grace I can go to MJ, me and Chels can together forever again. Teehee I really wonder if I have the ability to get through. I'll go whr God leads me.

I heard MJ's band playing just now. I think they were having some kinda event. Then I heard God telling me to have faith in myself but most imptly, have faith in Him. I think my God is so amazing.

Never make someone your priority if he/she is only an option to you.
Yes? (:

I've learnt my lesson. You're no longer my priority, and I know I'm your option. So we're quits.

I'm getting quite sleepy.
Got to complete the Chem worksheets, clear my homework file and Chem TYS!

Somebody's birthday is in THREE days.
& I'm not sure if I should wish him happy birthday or not.
See how :D

2007-07-29T18:55:00.000+08:00

Today is really good (:

I love Cheryl so much I want to marry her. Kickass lah you :D
And Jas Low, I still hate your sexy legs but, thanks for today! LOVE! (:

& I keep telling Evonne I love her sexy butt.
Sorry uh, Janice is turning more and more les-sy by the day. BUT WHO CARES LAH. I only have a few more months to be a lesbian. I love being in a girls' school please (((:

K, scandalous.

Hohohoho.

1) I tried to be smart and play a prank on Cheryl so...
2) I told her I spoke to oyster.
3) And that oyster told me many stuff about her.
4) Apparently she fell for my trick but it didn't last long, because
5) She went to call oyster and got the TRUTH.
6) But because we are best friends *beams*, she trusted me more, but still thinks I was playing a prank on her.
7) So, being Cheryl, she couldn't stop annoying me with the "What did you all say!"
8) In the end? I got tickled so badly I had to confess everything.

Thank you very much, Cheryl Tan.
You didn't even give me a chance to breathe.

I bet Jas Low was happy to see me tortured right! Didn't even do anything to help me lah! What a friend D: *frowns*

There's school tomorrow ))):

Hello gay friend ♥

That's my refrigerator by the way (:

♥

♥

♥

Being stupid.

2007-07-28T16:20:00.000+08:00

I don't feel like liking you anymore. ~~And I feel like throwing stones at your face so we can see who shuts up first (:~~

Sometimes I wish you can come clean with me, every single detail you hate about me, instead of wallowing yourself in self-pity, hoping things will be fine just by putting people down with your words/vulgarities/attitude.

I'm sorry but I cannot change as long as you don't want to tell me what's the problem with me. So why not continue putting me down with your negative words, filling yourself with hatred towards me? We shall see who survives in the end.

And the scariest part about you is that, after all you'd said about me, you could come up to me and speak to me as if nothing really happened.

You're the scariest human being I ever known.
Hey, I identified you as a human being you know (:

Bad things aside, life has been pretty busy with many homework/tests/revision and all. But overall, it's good. I'm currently learning to be stronger, to be more independent, to not rely on Man but on God.

That's a huge step for me to take! But I'm having faith.

Church tomorrow.
Can't wait.

2007-07-22T22:00:00.000+08:00

Noah's salvation reminds us that even where sin abounds, God's plans remain intact because His grace abounds even more.

There were probably a few times that Noah wanted to jump ship and give up, but he remembered God's promise and trusted God to finish the work that He had started on the earth. We should do the same and not become impatient or lose hope when it seems that God's plan is being frustrated in our lives.

God has a perfect plan for you. Don't be anxious or jump ship and try something else. Stay the course and allow God to fulfill His purpose in your life (:

GOD HAS A PERFECT PURPOSE AND PLAN FOR YOU, SO BE PATIENT AS HE COMPLETES THAT PLAN.

My problems are bigger than me,
But God is bigger than my problems.

I love my nothing.
Love you bestie (:

2007-07-22T18:15:00.000+08:00

My first birthday present is from daddy. Thank you dad. That was something I really wished for.

Tell me,
what's wrong?

2007-07-21T17:10:00.000+08:00

I like simple songs with pretty words.

2007-07-21T12:14:00.000+08:00

Me: *ramble ramble rant rant rant...*
Cheryl: Damn it lah I think I'm a les. I miss you leh.
Me: OH MY GOSH YOU SCANDALOUS! How can you fall in love with someone else before I do!
Cheryl: Hahahahaha.
Me: Oh shit I forgot what I wanted to say.

She's much love.
But sorry, she's already taken.

I'm so jealous ):
I think I'm not straight too. How am I going to be straight if I'm studying in a girls' school full of hot babes?
Anddd, a very entertaining sexy bestie.

Love;
My day is saved although I'm not going out with bestie anymore ):

2007-07-21T11:20:00.000+08:00

Rain, rain, go away.
Come again another day.

Sunshine?
Rainbow?

2007-07-21T00:15:00.000+08:00

Tell me why.

Why is it that when I learn to appreciate,
things will start to go missing from my life.

Why is it that when I feel like learning,
I just can't.

I gave in to my tears during recess today. I just felt like I was the disappointment. I know mom loves me. I know she wants me to score well. I know she was and is disappointed in me. I know I shouldn't have screamed and yelled at her. I know I shouldn't have played cards in class.

Why am I so stubborn?
Why am I so stupid?

I'm dumb enough.
I don't do well for tests.

Mrs Lopez was right. I was being highlighted by the principal. Now I have to do such a thing to disappoint myself.

Oh my gosh.
Didn't I make myself change?
Didn't I tell myself not to give in to any other temptation(s)?

Janice, you're so dumb. Really. What were you doing lah.

And now, I'm having those emo talks with Jas Tan. I feel so sad. Today's Battle of the Bands was so cool. TK rocked the whole auditorium. I love you, TKGS. I'm sorry I didn't appreciate you earlier.

Cordelia was so hot on stage I felt like hugging her until we both die. Haha. She was the coolest worhxzxz! :D I screamed and yelled and went crazy until I lost my voice. All of a sudden it just crossed my mind that TK was so bonded. Really bonded.

I love you, Cordelia. You did your best and you looked so cool on stage please. Hope you like our presents. *hugs*

I saw EUNICE GOH YI EN at ACS! (((:

Went home.
Bathed.
Reflected.

In order for God to increase, I must decrease.
Have I been decreasing?
No.

Sigh, I still love God though. He's ultimately the best no matter what.

After going crazy for 3 straight hours, I'm having a headache and a sore throat. I think I need to sleep now. If not bestie will see me with heavy eyebags tomorrow.

You know what? I really thank God for bestie, for everything that she has been doing for me.
But something she told me today broke my heart.

I'm sorry love. I know I'm being irritating/annoying. I know I'm not playing my role as a bestie either. I'm sorry. Whatever you told me this afternoon made my heart sink all the way to the bottom. I just feel like I cannot lose you. I know I won't lose you but... my heart wasn't strong enough to take that news. Whatever it is, I've thought it through. As long as you are happy, I will be happy too. Thank you for supporting me all the way. I can never thank God enough. I miss you ):

Love me not.

2007-07-18T22:10:00.000+08:00

Lynette made me cry.

I really wonder, how people like me look forward to annual birthdays, but people like Elliot's parents look forward to each day of his life.

I went to jog just now. Not because of 2.4, not because I wanted to lose weight. I just felt like it, and I think I pushed myself too hard.

Then as usual, I started thinking how amazing love is. Hmm, love is indeed... amazing.

Just a few days of love satisfies me.

I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past
I just can't seem to move on

Why,
I wonder.

This isn't the right time for me to become emo, but I already am.

That talk I had with Jas Low after school today might seem like a happy one. How we both put it across as a "funny heart-to-heart talk" but deep down, I was feeling so miserable I felt like I was bleeding inside.

I don't understand why.

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need them again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

Maybe it's just me.

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere

Life has been tough. Very tough, in fact. I wonder how I'm going to pull through Prelims. Today's Bio test kinda disappointed me. I don't think I will be able to do well at all. Insulin, adrenaline, insulin, adrenaline. I felt like asking the class which was the right answer. Yeah, I was having adrenaline rush. You won't be able to imagine how worried I was during that few minutes.

I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not somebody just to get me through the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions

Sigh, it's over anyway. Maybe this just shows my attitude towards studies is different. The old Janice would probably say, "It's only a small test. I don't have to do well for it anyway."

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

But, anyhoos, I'm going to New Creation this coming Sunday (: Yay, Pastor Prince uhhuh. I cannot wait.
Still, I'm worried I may have hurt _. I don't mean to, but Jas Low is right. Sometimes we just have to do things the hard way, even if it takes hurting someone. I'm sorry.

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end

Tell me why can't things work out between us?

Life is painful.

2007-07-17T20:40:00.000+08:00

I haven't been in my best of moods lately. Sorry if my words pissed anyone off. I hope not, of course.

I don't feel like going to church on Sunday. Don't ask me why.

Battle of the Bands this Fri,
Bio test tomorrow.
& practical test next Wed.

About my dreams, only best, Jas Tan and Zanta know.
I'm still considering, and I swear I dream about it everyday.

Each time I go online...
I will visit that website the first! :D

But yay, Zaneta encouraged me to go for it.
Bestie and Jas were supportive.

Whoo, now I'm really excited.

But, _ is there too.
Tell me, what shall I do next?

Okay fine. This post is so random.

Thank God for several things.

#1
Although I was so depressed on Sunday, He surprised me with supportive friends like Chelsea who wrote me a pretty card and passed it to me on Monday. K, being emotional, I wanted to cry. Because... I didn't expect it. It's amazing how people know you're going through a lot even though you didn't say a word at all. It must be Him (: Yeah man, I love you Chels.

#2
On that same day, which was yesterday, I received a letter from Jas Low. Seriously, it meant a lot. It was so encouraging that I felt so light. Small little things like that made my day. You can ask Jas Tan how happy I was during tuition (: Thank you Jas (Tan and Low), you guys are really cool (: Peepoo.

#3
I finally understand Vectors. Thank you Mrs Ng! :D :D :D

#4
_ messaged me. Apparently he realised his mistake and apologised. It's okay, really. Once my heart broke once, it will never break over the same person anymore. But hmm, I still love you though. Thank God we're still on talking terms!

#5
I have more motivation to study because of what I'm going to do after O's with bestie, plus fulfilling my huge dream! (:

#6
Bestie's feeling better (I hope) and we're both going to fight against the devil to find happiness. Right, lovely? (:

#7
Thank God for giving me the feeling of walking home from MRT to home today (: It took me 30 minutes of reflection and thinking, bringing me back to where I'm supposed to be, finding myself back again, knowing who I really am.

Thank God for everything that has happened.
I just need to take a breather. But Lord, You are more than the air I breathe.

I'm not supposed to be here (:
Bye everybody.

98 more days to O's.
37 more days of Prelims.
113 more days to freedom (:

Yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord
Yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord
Yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord
Amen (:

SO MUCH LOVE;
Feel it yeah :D

Janice the GREAT.
(Yeah right)

Sometimes it's best not to know anything at all.
Or maybe, it's best to walk alone.
Isn't my walk with Christ way better without disruptions from others? Really, can I just be with Him, without anyone telling me what to do/say/think/feel? Can I just talk to Him the way I want to? Can I not do things I really don't want to do at all? Can I stop having obstructions in my walk with Him? Please?

2007-07-15T21:10:00.000+08:00

She brightens up my gloomy days (:

Little Miss Bestie (:

Thank you for everything, love.

I love my pretty bestie (:

Cheryl;
Sorry for putting you in bad spots all the time. I don't know why I'm giving you random moodswings and showing you my attitude recently, but I do hope you understand ): There are many things in my mind right now and the stress level is getting out of control. OMGGG you know what? I love you a lot a lot a lot and I cannot live without you. Sorry for being emo all the time, sorry for crying in front of you, letting you worry over me when you already have so many problems to worry about, sorry for being mean to you and treating you as my venting machine :'( I really cannot live off without you. Thanks for being so supportive and letting me know that no matter what, our friendship will never be affected. Yes, forever and ever amen! You must be strong too alright? You're actually going through way more than I am now, and if I were you I would have died long ago. You're so stronggg so continue to press on. I know I always tell you not to cry when you do, but actually I don't mind as long as you can feel better. I heart you babe. God will be with us all the time uhhuh? Your chocolate cheered me up and your letter too. I cannot wait for the day of my last exam paper. I'm happy you're going to book me on that day. Sentosa bikini day! :D Peepoo you're making me super excited now. ILY my lovely.

Jasmine Loo;
Thanks for offering to join me in hospitality although you know it's not going to be fun. It's a huge sacrifice uhhuh! But it's okay, really. It warms my heart to know that someone's willing to be with me. Yeah. Though I didn't feel like hearing the words you said to me just now because I was very angry with myself, thank you (: Whatever you said helped but it really took me quite long to understand that God is still the One. Thanks for the encouragement and all. Love!

Jasmine Tan;
I know the day we leave TK will be the day I'll start missing you.
I know you're never going to MJ and I'll never be able to make it to the school you want to go, but always know that you will never be forgotten. I don't know why every time we talk, we will talk about leaving TK and shedding tears for the sweet memories. I don't like those emo talks but I treasure them because they make me realize how much I have to cherish you. I can never thank you enough. Even when I was so stressed up and on the verge of breaking down just now, you told me to continue studying harder and made me realize I was not alone. Thank you love. Life in TK will be so different without you. With you, I can talk about anything or anyone anytime I want :D YAY YOU ROCK MY WORLD. Love you too (:

It feels great. I ranted to a lot of people today. Namely Cheryl, Jas Loo, Jas Tan, Cordelia and Jas Low. You guys are great. Really (: It's enough to know I have friends like you all. PEEPOO :D

Much love;
Jan.

2007-07-14T22:00:00.000+08:00

I love going out with bestie, although it was just talking, eating, studying, camwhoring and (window) shopping (: Okay that's quite a lot of things we did, but trust me, she didn't study as much as I did. Teehee.

We went to try out gowns and pretty clothes. Bestie saw this pair of shoes she loves so deeply.

There, the pretty white one with my lousy flipflops beside it. She looks pretty tall in it because the heels are so highhh. Ehh, Cheryl, not trying to shatter your hopes but... I'M STILL TALLER (:

Whoopeedoo she's such a great friend.

I told her my secret.
About my dreams.
About how I really really really want to _.
About how my old passion is rekindling in me.
I thought she would roll on floor and laugh her guts out.
But...
She didn't.
Instead she said she'll be behind me while I pursue my dreams and that she has faith in me.

Whoa bestie, that was so sweet. Lovealots please! :D

Anyway, I told daddy about my dreams and he agreed. He didn't mind me pursuing it. Mommy didn't say anything. So... YAY :D

So... JW came and waited for us to try shirt after shirt, gown after gown, skirt after skirt, jeans after jeans. We just couldn't get enough. So sorry, Mr JW. Haha he has to carry our books-full bags. Poor guy.

Okay so... while we were studying, YT called Cheryl and so she left me alone there to study. I finished up my Geog worksheet and studied hormones. That lousy woman continued chatting on the phone for God knows how longgg. *frowns*

Oh yes, glad you're feeling better anyway. I mean, see? God made a change! :D

Photos tomorrow. Promise :D

2007-07-14T10:50:00.000+08:00

You know my pain. You know my pain even more than I do. Whenever I hurt, help me carry the pain to You. I know I cannot handle all this on my own. So, in Your presence, somehow help me glorify You when I hurt. If I have to hurt, help me hurt in Your presence. If I have to hurt, help me rest here with You as my friend and guide. If I have to hurt, show me Your destiny for me over and over so I remain true and faithful to You. If I have to hurt, place upon me a mission to never give up Your love. Show me how suffering is against me and how You are for me. Show me how being Your humble child makes all suffering change into a time of glory for You.

Friday the 13th wasn't that bad after all. (: But I was really irritated during English lesson because I just didn't like the play.

I cannot wait for Zany (: It's going to be fun fun fun. My last Zany... I have quite a number of thoughts running through my mind right now. What am I going to do without an all-girls school? Whoa, I cannot imagine life without bridging in between lessons. I will miss every single part of school. But I guess everyone will have to move on uh huh.

Yesterday after school, Chels, Sherm, JX and I stayed in class to bridge while Shi Hua stayed to learn. Haha yay! Intellectual game, I love you millions! Guess what? I lost only once, out of the many games we played! :D But Chels said she doesn't like me and insisted that I'm still an amateur bridger. POOTSIES.

Prelims in 41 days and I'm not very prepared for it. Although yes, I've been working hard, but I don't want to burn out either. I think I'm so worn out that I slept really early yesterday. My eyelids were so heavy I couldn't keep them opened anymore. IR really sucks. But no matter how stressed I am, I have to keep remembering that God is taking control of my life and He will give me rest. I'm not going to be afraid of the Prelims. Just going to do my best and He will take care of everything else. Okay, I know. It's never easy. Sigh.

I am meeting bestie later. It was quite a last-minute decision because hmm... something happened. So... cheer up babe! *hugs*

Okay yay, I better get going.

Love;
Janice (:

One, two, three;
LET'S BRIDGE! :D

I'm hurt by you. When I asked you how was your day, you gave me the kind of what-has-that-got-to-do-with-you reply. I don't see why I should continue to be your friend anymore, since you've already made up your mind to be cold towards me. I don't know what you want from me, but I just don't feel like talking to you anymore. Initially I didn't know why God placed you in my life. Then you began to help me with my work and personal problems. Now, you're turning your back against me. Stop giving me high hopes. Stop shattering my dreams. Stop being nice to me for a moment, then mean towards me the next. You never knew how much you meant to me as a friend, and you never will. But I guess, those were the days. History. I've had enough. I want no more of you. Not anymore.

2007-07-12T23:10:00.000+08:00

[edit]
I felt like an idiot. I shall take back my words then. ~~But my mood is totally ruined.~~
[/edit]

THIS WORLD IS JUST FULL OF UNCERTAINTIES.

In all my mistakes, somehow you have made even my miscues work out to perfect endings. So many times you have taken my ugliness and turned my ugliness into your perfect beauty. I do not know how you do these things. I give you praise and glory for all these and other miracles, both seen and unseen, you have done in my life. Precious Lord, however you do miracles, would you turn everything I do into an act glorifying your name. I know not everything I do is worthy of your glory. I know I think and do things against your will. I am not going to make mistakes on purpose. I make enough of them without adding more to my misery. When I make mistakes, please turn even my mistakes and sins into acts glorifying your love and grace. It seems there is very little I can do on my own to turn my mistakes into glories for you. But you are God. For you, all things are possible and doable. If I had more faith and belief, all things would be possible and doable for me.

& I know no matter how bad others think of me, You will never think likewise.

Whenever I think I am alone, suddenly I find your love encircling me.
Whenever I think no one cares about me, suddenly I find your love encircling me and I get a little message from you saying you care.
Whenever I think I cannot make it in this world by myself, suddenly I find your love encircling me as you send me the idea you are with me giving me the power of your encouragement.
Whenever the things of my world seem to come to an end, suddenly I find the endless infinity of your love.
Whenever the things of my world seem to break down or wear out, suddenly I find an endless, timeless love.

2007-07-11T21:15:00.000+08:00

I love my best friend please. She's the best! :D I love and miss you too lovely. Please get well soon I'll pray for you! :D

Okay I've so many things to talk about!

FIRST OF ALL, thank God for helping me to wake up every morning, and giving me the strength to pull through lessons. I don't get as tired in class anymore. Ask Jas! She can account for that. *beams*

And, I've been listening to Math lessons. One, two, three and everyone says, "Whoaaa..."

I've been really busy. Especially today. Sometimes I really wonder how people with piano lessons, ballet lessons etc survive. I'm already dying please! D:

K, let's see...

I tried doing homework today. Wait, it's not like I never did my homework before, but I decided to place homework before any other revision. And I did it, kinda. Just sitting at Videoworld with Cordelia, doing homework, homework and more homework, checking things in my to-do list and laughing with that lady, talking about some spoilt brat and letting her rant about how much homework she has to complete.

Oh yes, thanks Cordelia for your MP4/IPOD. I cannot tell the difference but I love it so much. ALMOST finished watching Step Up but I didn't dare to, in case your MP4/IPOD died of low batt. I bet the people around me were jealous I "owned" that beautiful thing. I was pretty worried it may get robbed. But hey! Step Up made my journey home a short one.

When I was on my way home, I checked the number of messages I sent out this month and I had a shock when I saw the number "715". Apparently I was so busy with school lately that I didn't realize it was already the 11th of July. I thought it was only the start of July! So, I have 200 plus messages for the remaining week, which is quite okay, taken the fact that it could have exploded at this point of time.

Then, Jas told me that she will call me tonight, which is anytime soon (: I think she wants to tell me some stuff about _? I don't know but, so there! My night shall be spent chatting with that woman, finishing up my homework and catching my Z monster.

Mrs Lim came to class today and showed us the target the school set for us. Oh my goodness my Math was set as A2 and because of that, I'm going to seriously mug hard for it to get A2! (: And then Loyders will love me so much. ~~But whether I have that determination to achieve it will be another problem.~~

My final lap.

You hold me Lord.
I live, breath, and have my being because of You.
I know You are within every part of me.
Sometimes I forget.
Sometimes the pain and suffering of my life gets to me and I forget.
Please remind me.
Please show me I am fully held by You.
Please show me I am filled with Your love.
When I forget, please touch my heart so I know You hold me and I am Your child.

Yesterday, Mdm Chee made us do a composition and it was something that has got to do with the pains in our hearts although we may have already been numb to it, or it has already happened long time ago. I began to think of the right story to write about and I realised that I couldn't make up my mind. Should I write _, _, _ or _? Only then I realised that there are too many hurts in life that affect me in one way or another. So, being me, I started thinking and realized that something as small as guides used to hurt me so badly. How about the lost friendships? How about the things people said to me? How about the fights/quarrels I used to have with people I'm close to now? I haven't been letting go of those tiny things. Many times my mind do bring those issues up again and I feel like I haven't been forgiving, although I'd always thought I'm a forgiving person. I really wonder why I have to be nice to someone when he/she used to do things to hurt me so much in the past. See? I'm not that forgiving after all. But, as much as I don't understand why I must have unconditional love for others, I will try my best to love everyone. It's after all stated in the bible.

K sad stuff aside,

I'm looking forward to 20th July! Battle of the Bands. Cordelia's telling me so much about it that I'm getting excited I don't know why.

Oral tomorrow! D: I'm getting the butterflies.
Pray for me! (:

Love;
Janice.

It's not that I'm taking your friend away from you. It's just that I cannot afford to lose another friend.

OH NO I'M BACK TO THE DBSK CRAZE AGAAAIN ):

2007-07-08T23:40:00.000+08:00

Haha Evelyn and I are talking about Rihanna and her Umbrella song. Here goes the annoying part:

You can stand under my UMBRRRRRLLA
You can stand under my UMBRRRRRLLA
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my UMBRRRRRLLA
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my UMBRRRRRLLA
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my UMBRRRRRLLA
(Ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)

But the part above that annoying part makes Eve and I go, "AWW..."

When the sun shines, we’ll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be a friend
Took an oath I'ma stick it out till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we'll still have each other

Whatever please :D It's so funny I couldn't stop laughing.

Then Evonne drew this icon for Evelyn that says, "You can stand under my Chanel umbrella." OH MY GOODNESS SHE'S SO BIMBOTIC :D But I like!

I'm trusting God for CCA points.

Lord, help me through please. Of course, not just me but also the friends around me. You are going to transform our lives, aren't you? I will never forget that You're the biggest. Bigger than every situation I'm in. I forgive, because You forgave me. I love, because You first loved. I will do anything You want me to do, Lord. Just guide me. Lead me. Strengthen me. Use me. Show me. Hold my hand and walk with me. I can never, ever live without you. I'll never think of what others have got to say about me anymore. I'm not obeying them. I'm obeying You. You made me this way, so I shall be me. I shall stop living up to other's expectations. Help me fully know who I truly am. Help me fully know the whole and complete truth about myself. Help me fully know I am your child. Help me fully know all of the parts of my being, both the good parts and the bad parts. Let every step I take in my life be taken in full and complete honesty before you. When my hands tremble in fear, give me the power to reach out to your cross. When my innermost parts shake from anxiety, give me the power to touch your hand of love reaching out to me. When I seem to lose all sense of where I am because I am so afraid, please give me the vision to see you standing beside me... giving me the courage to face my fear, doubt, and anxiety. Thank You for Your Love, thank You for providing me with everything I need, thank You for the most supportive best friend ever, thank You for the best cell one can ever have. You're my Pillar of Support. I lean unto You. Teach me how to live the way You want me to. Help me through the storms in my life. Magnify Your presence in the cell, Lord. We do not just want to grow in numbers, but we want more of You each day. Teach us how to love the people who have hurt us. In You I trust, nothing can go wrong in my life. Nothing...

I just want to be with Him again.

2007-07-08T21:50:00.000+08:00

I found joy in designing the cell tee, because the theme of our tee is "joy".

Thank you bestie, for that prayer, for those sweet messages that saved my day.

It's not the physical pain; it's the pain my in heart.

"We love because He first loved us."
(1 John 4:19)

I told God about how _ doesn't like me although on the outside, she seems like she's on good terms with me. I guess He replied me through Gina's favourite verse above. Indeed, it's not one of those you-love-me-so-I-love-you kinda situations anymore. I've got to love you, no matter how you think of me.

God, I surrender it all to You. My family, my friends, my relationships with people, my studies, my everything my all. Take. Take. Take.

I can't ask for more. The cell's more than enough (:

2007-07-07T10:50:00.000+08:00

Lord, I need You.

Hold my breath and count to ten. The world's moving way too fast.

I'm not affected. I'm not affected. I'm not affected. ~~Okay I'm lying.~~

2007-07-07T01:30:00.000+08:00

Sometimes When We Touch
You ask me if I love you
And I choke on my reply
I'd rather hurt you honestly
　than mislead you with a lie
And who am I to judge you on what you say or do
I'm only just beginning to see the real you

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you till I die
Till we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

Romance and all its strategy
　leaves me battling with my pride
But through the insecurity
Some tenderness survives
I'm just another writer
　still trapped within my truths
A hesitant prizefighter
　still trapped within my youth

At times I'd like to break you
　and drive you to your knees
At times I'd like to break through
　and hold you endlessly

At times I understand you
And I know how hard you've tried
I've watched while love commands you
　and I've watched love pass you by
At times I think we're drifters
Still searching for a friend, a brother or a sister
But then the passion flares again

Daddy's so funny. He was watching the TV halfway then fell asleep so bro switched it off. Then, he woke up and made me on the TV again, but conked out in less than 10 seconds.

~~Guess who sent me that song? I wish I never knew.~~

2007-07-07T00:30:00.000+08:00

Life today is way better than yesterday. I didn't doodle rubbish (: I didn't vent my anger on a piece of paper either.

The Career Awareness today was quite stupid for me because they don't even talk about the career I want. But still, it was a good waste of time.

Went home with Chelsea and the dancers. We were talking about JCs and it got me motivated to study all over again (: I'm thinking of SAJ, but that depends on whether I can find a better and faster route there. If I can get to MJ then all the better, I shall go there :D TJ, VJ, AC, NJ, TPJ and CJ are all out. Maybe AJ? Haha okay I'm thinking way too far but I think AJ is good (:

Once I reached home, Cheryl called and we talked until she had to prepare for Ed Silvoso's conference. Guess what? I fell asleep. And woke up at 615pm? RUSHED LIKE GAY, then met up with Cheryl, went to do some stuff at the airport *cough*, then happily made our way to EXPO :D

THOUGHTS:
I don't understand why people like to take joy away from others. I wonder if happiness can be stolen. If it's possible, then my happiness is at stake. Thinking about it, I just feel like the world has something against me. It just feels like people are out there trying to make your life miserable by taking away your loved ones, getting you into trouble, bitching about you like there's no tomorrow, criticizing you, trying to make your ~~best friend~~ friends as far from you as possible, and the list goes on and on and on. I was just thinking, how life can be so perfect if everyone learns to be more selfless. Yeah fine, I'm selfish, but definitely not to that extent of making others feel miserable. To put it another way, I'm not sadistic. I believe that what's yours will be yours. There's no need to snatch things away from people's lives.

Do you seriously find happiness in robbing others of their joy? I wonder.

I was talking about this whole selfish issue with Jas this morning in class because of something I heard. This topic kinda got me thinking for the rest of the day and it affected my mood a little.

When I heard that Sherm got into TJ for her DSA application, I felt like the happiest girl on earth. Ironically, Sherm wasn't very happy about it because her friend didn't manage to have a successful application. Isn't this what it's supposed to be?

Okay I'm digressing too much. I just feel pretty uncomfortable when I reached home this afternoon. Some stuff that Cheryl told me made me feel very uneasy. There was just this sense of insecurity, as if any time soon, someone will start to take my close friends away, one by one, knowing that (true) friends are really important to me.

I'm not being possessive. I guess there's a difference between possessive and insecurity. I don't mind sharing friends, but I mind losing friends. It's just like how God's love is shared among everyone in this world, but you just CAN'T lose Him no matter what.

1 Corinthians 1:25 For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength. (NIV)

Our God is a god of power. He is a being of power living within our heart as we seek His face. Our Lord is infinite in the power of His love, mercy, and forgiveness. He is in all things and amongst all things. Our hearts are lifted up when we understand and accept His love. We praise Him in our heart when we understand how much He loves us. We are stricken down with remorse when we realize we nailed Him to the cross and He died because of what we did. However, we are renewed, restored, and transformed when we see He came back to life to tell us He forgives us and He still loves us. Christ loves us even if we do not love Him. Christ is love and He seeks to fill us with His essence. His mercy is infinite. When we go astray, God seeks to lead us back to Himself. When we make mistakes, He tries to help us fix them. When we sin, God is quick to show us His path of righteousness. When we are lonely, God comes to be with us and to lift our spirits. When we are near death, God comes closer to us than at any other time.

Whenever I need you, you're nowhere in sight. Whenever I'm trying to forget about you, you will be standing right in front of me. I don't know what you want from me, but all I know is that, I want to let go of you.

Cheer up bestie, you will have me too (: Let's not let others affect us uhhuh.

2007-07-05T22:55:00.000+08:00

I thought love overcomes it all.
Maybe I don't know you as much as I thought I do.

2007-07-05T22:15:00.000+08:00

Okay I don't know what I pressed and blogger ate up my post. *frowns*

AS I WAS SAYING, school is really getting out of hand. I can no longer find myself alive at the end of the day. And because of my sore throat, I didn't talk a lot today and I just felt like some loser PMS-ing and being cranky doing weird stuff like doodling non-stop on my foolscap paper. I call that venting my anger because of the time that was oh-so-super-slow and each time I looked at the clock, only a minute crawled by. I was super super super angry.

I'm quite sure Mrs Ngin knew I was being cranky because she kept looking at me and when she made us discuss stuff with a partner I didn't quite care. Actually I was waiting for her to approach me after lesson but she didn't. Basically all I did during Bio was to ~~stare into space, stone, stone, stone and looked at the clock every minute.~~

I hate intensive revision because it doesn't help at all.

But then again (: Ed Silvoso's conference is tomorrow and ALTHOUGH I don't quite look forward to it, I kinda look forward to seeing my girls. They will make me feel way much better. Really. This week starts on Tuesday and it feels longer than any other week.

My sore throat is getting so bad ): I wonder how Sherm's feeling now. I kinda miss her a little bit. Without her around in school makes me feel pretty pissed off with that empty seat behind me. I kept wanting to turn around to ask Sherm something, then realized that she was absent. *groans*

I really wonder how Ann and Maxine found that huge faith for Him that I'm completely losing day by day. No doubt. Walk with God has been very shaky. I mean, VERY shaky.

Just now a friend told me that she'll be going overseas to study after O's. I was pretty upset and got so emotional that I think I would have been crying really badly if she wasn't beside me. I dare not do anything stupid because I was being really immature, thinking about such things. I know I may sound weird, or maybe some of you may find me childish. But the friendship I have with her is indescribable. I don't normally share with her how important she is in my life, but deep down I know that she's one of the few friends who truly care for me. I'll miss you babe. I know that no matter what I say to make you stay will no longer help anymore, since you've made up your mind to walk that path. When you told me that you may be staying at Aussie for maybe 10 years, trust me, all I could say was, "Please don't go." I was lost for words. And I know those three words don't help. I'm not sure how you feel but 10 years is crazy. To me, 10 years without you will be so odd. No funny jokes, no stories, no emo-ing at ECP after collection of results, no you. I wonder what life will be like then. I guess if God wants you there, so be it. But always remember that if you really really really choose that path, I'll always be here. Please don't forget me. Although we may not talk as much, I'll miss you. Sigh, maybe I'm just being sensitive. Who knows, I may be the only one thinking about such weird things. Still, just to let you know, you're really one of the greatest friends I've ever met. Thanks for having an open heart for me three years ago. Thanks for praying for my salvation. Thanks for having that courage to bring me to church. You're such a babe. I heart you, the most worthy friend one can ever have.

I know it's a little too early to rant about that. But after O's just plainly means half a year more to go.

Why do all good things come to an end?

I'm tired Lord. Take all of me. Help me hear not to what others have to say about me, for their words are not of you. Lord I need You. Bring me back to where I'm supposed to be.

Yay I finished studying Drugggs.

2007-07-03T21:00:00.000+08:00

God saved my life twice today (:

I think I was having low blood count in the morning because I almost fainted. All I saw was stars and more stars. Then I couldn't hear the National Anthem. That was when I knew I was about to faint. So I spoke in tongues and after a few minutes, the stars went off and I felt much better.

I think I scared many people. Haha don't worry for me! If it happens again (hope not), I will go and see the doctor. The whole experience was traumatizing please. I never ever want it to happen again.

The other time when God saved me was when Mrs Cheong made me answer a question. I was writing a letter to Cheryl and when she called me I was pretty blur and didn't know which question she was at. So I was like, "God, lead me," and I answered the right sum with the right answer.

:D That's all for today. I had great time with Jas at Videoworld today. She's such a kickass. Thanks for brightening up my day. I felt like I was in lala land. Let's camp in Videoworld one day.

I'm going to miss being in a girls' school.

2007-07-02T22:20:00.000+08:00

SCHOOL SUCKS PLEASE.

I think school is getting OH-SO-B-O-R-I-N-G-G-G.

Oh Lord I don't feel like going to school anymore. Going to school means time will pass pretty quickly means the bomb (O's) will come in a flash means my future will be more or less affected means...

I still want to trust You though!

Because YOU are my FUNKALICIOUS DADDY GOD :D

I love my God more than anything else.
Okay I love best friend and my tortoise second.

(:

I love my Garfield third.

Since my birthday is cominggg, I guess you can think of getting me 16 Garfields. I will hug and kiss you until you die. ~~Promise.~~

Or 16 helium balloons with Garfield printed on them will be fine too (:

Okay how about 16 huggable tortoises? (When I say huggable, I mean it in a way that I don't want real living ones.)

I feel like killing myself.
Thinking about my birthday makes me puke. My birthday sucks. It's going to be Prelims after my birthday and then comes the bomb.

*runs away for dear life*

Talking to Jasmine Tan doesn't make me feel any better. She studied, when all I did this weekend was to... well, dream about my wedding night ~~and laugh over the FBTs joke.~~

NEVERTHELESS, if I have a choice I will try to skip school tomorrow. It's so boring with first lesson being SS. DOUBLE BLOW PLEASE.

*faints*

Spell school :D
B-O-R-I-N-G

Yeah that's the way you spell school. Tell me what's school without the word "boring". It's just a bore. The teachers never fail to make me doze off. And yeah, Tabi's right. Sometimes the way they talk sounds like a lullaby. The minute they stop talking, I'll feel much much much livelier.

& huh, the worst thing about school is the waking-up-SUPER-early part.

I'm trying hard not to use any dirty language here. So instead using the word d***, I shall use SUPER.

Well, yes. I live in Pasir Ris. School is in Paya Lebar.

That's why I'm always late for school!
And yes Topshop, here I come.

So going to get that tube top please! :D

Bye everyone. I'm tired of ranting so much. & it's not like after ranting so much, there'll be a change in reality. I STILL HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL TOMORROW.

Don't blame me if I get super grouchy for no reason tomorrow. I have a feeling I will be getting my Tuesday blues. BEWARE! Hahahahahahahaha.

Okay not funny =/

2007-07-02T18:30:00.000+08:00

1 John 5:3 This is love for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, 4 for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. 5 Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God. (NIV)

Defeat is never certain until the game is over. When the game is over, defeat means nothing to those who won. When the game is over, defeat means something only to those who lost. Defeat in life is foolishness because in life we are all ultimately winners in Christ if we chose to be His children. The desire for victory in life should drive all of us to excel in all we do... for God and not for ourselves. When we taste defeat we must see the foolishness of sitting in dejection and loss. For when we have God on our side pulling for us, it does not make any difference if we come out on top of the world. When God is for us, we cannot be defeated. When God is for us, we have all the power of the universe on our side. When God is for us, we cannot be defeated and we are always on top of His world with God standing by us every moment.

Oh man, I am feeling pms-sy all over again. What is wrong with me? ):

I think my brother is such an ass. I feel like killing him or getting him out of the house. He's not very much needed here anyway. All he knows is to make mom worry, worry and worry.

Sigh, family aside.

Went for tuition just now and when I was already reaching, Mrs Ng told me that today's lesson will be similar to Saturday's lesson. So the lonely me went shopping (yes, alone), ate my takeaway sushi (yes, alone), tried out clothes at Topshop (yes, alone) and cam-whored (yes, alone).

That was when I felt like I cannot live life alone. It was so boring. I was dying to talk to someone but I know it was quite impossible. Then as most people will do when they are alone, I started to think.

And when I think, I think of bad stuff.

After all that rubbish I did at Parkway, I went back to Pasir Ris to meet Lynette. Now both of us have new Puma bags (: Well, we were broke so we lived off with my 5 bucks on bubble tea and porridge. Yum (:

Walked around, talked a bit and then we went home. I didn't do anything productive today, and I don't feel like doing anything either. Amazingly, I cannot wait for Friday's Ed Silvoso's Conference. I was dreading it because I thought it will be pretty time-consuming. But at least I know I get to see my girls. I think my cell is the bestest cell in the world (: Don't you agree :D

Okay so, I miss my best friend. She's over at Malaysia for today and I think I need her already. I'm so not independent. *frowns* But hey Cheryl, I really miss you ):

Did I mention that my Adobe died? I lost it. And I'm sad now ):

My supposedly good-looking Daddy (:

My pretty niece! She's such a sweetheart please (:

ANDDD, before I forget,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EUNICE GOH YI EN! *blows kisses*

2007-07-02T08:45:00.000+08:00

Saturday's wedding dinner was the best I ever went.

It was so cool :D But the sad thing was, the minute my family reached the ballroom, everyone went to hug my brother because he MIA-ed for a pretty long time due to his studies and all. So I was like, JEALOUS D:

My cousin was the prettiest! :D Wilson cannot speak English properly! He makes me laugh. Thinking of him reminds me of that time when we went to Hong Kong together...

I didn't know my family meant so much to me till that night. Because I was quite sad at a point of time, thinking of the times my brother and I spent with my cousin when we were young. I mean, I love her too much to see her go off with her other half.

Then I felt so childish. I know one day I will get married too (I hope) and my nieces and nephews will miss me! :D

After their speech (which made me feel like tearing), my cousin together with her dance team, well, DANCED! OH MY GOODNESS IT WAS FAB! I will never forget the part when they blindfolded Wilson then err... *cough*

My cousin's the best dancer ever. She danced in her heels and wedding gown. So pretty and sexy and oh my gosh. *faints*

So much love. At the end of the dinner, we exchanged hugs and once again, I almost cried. It's not like I'm never going to see her again, but it just feels like that. Don't ask me why. Wilson was so funny. His entire face was red. Hahahahohohohehehe he's the funniest guy ever. When he hugged my brother I almost died because my bro looks like some bamboo stick :D

So after that night, I began to plan my wedding. Hahahahahahahaha! My apologies to the cell for annoying you guys. I bet I said "I want to get married" 8923758980370478 times.

Cell was funny. Gina told us about FBTs and the reason why they didn't let us wear for Cluster Camp. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Raina, Jas and I couldn't stop laughing. It was oh-so-humorous that I felt like rolling on the floor.

I cannot wait for my cell to get married! Then I will make sure their grooms will be super sabo-ed.

I want to get married!
I want to get married!

Okay wait, I have another cousin getting married this Sept, and another will be getting married next Jan! :D

Are you jealous my family is huge!

That night, I reached home and cried like some big baby. No, not because I couldn't bear to see my cousin married. It's because of some other family/friendship matters that made me feel so helpless. But best friend made my day. Thank you sweetie pie. Love (:

I showed Cheryl and Jas my daddy's photos and they think he's good-looking. Haha I told mom and she almost fainted.

I bought my bag :D

I never thought you meant so much to me.

2007-06-30T18:30:00.000+08:00

The gown makes me look super flat. Don't ask me why.

I'm feeling quite weird now.

Have you ever wondered what will happen if you die?
What will happen if your best friend leaves you one day?
What will happen if you break up with your boyfriend?
What will happen if things change for good, and you will never be the same again?

Life is unpredictable. Anything can happen anytime.

Maybe this is just a phase. Well, it HAS to be a phase.

Have you ever been in a situation whereby your good friend treats you as her substitute just because she has a better friend than you, but the whole point is, you cannot say anything because if you do, people will ask you, "What kind of friend are you?"

I end up compromising people.
Then God says, "You can't please everyone. Human beings are not easy to please."

So Lord, help me.

I miss you, boy.

2007-06-29T23:50:00.000+08:00

In the end, I surrender myself to You once again, because You are the Beginning and the End.

I can never, ever live this problematic life without You.

2007-06-29T22:10:00.000+08:00

"But concerning that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father only. As were the days of Noah, so will be the coming of the Son of Man. For as in those days before the flood they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day when Noah entered the ark, and they were unaware until the flood came and swept them all away, so will be the coming of the Son of Man. Then two men will be in the field; one will be taken and one left. Two women will be grinding at the mill; one will be taken and one left. Therefore, stay awake, for you do not know on what day your Lord is coming."
Matthew 24:36-42

MAKE SURE YOUR LIFE AGREES WITH HOW GOD WOULD WANT YOU TO LIVE!

KICKAPOO IS A JOY JUICE! Drink it, and you shall be jolly.

Cordelia and I didn't go for the prayer meeting in the end (sigh), but Cheryl went. So I called her when she was on her way home and we caught up quite a bit. She said she misses me! Aww I miss you too! Oh yes, Cordelia please take care of your nerve(s)... I think you should see a doctor. Nobody likes needles but still! Dx

Okay so, after a long day of school and four hours of Mrs Lopez *groans* I finally got to relax a little with Little Miss Retarded (Net). Both of us went to White Sands for dinner and for once, I was richer than her! :D We ended up doing a little bit of ~~(window)~~ shopping and both of us found our dream bags so we're trying all means to get them. LYNETTE AH LYNETTE, so scheming! *shakes head*

Actually, many others are more economical than me! Jasmine Tan is economical & so is Little Miss Gay (Sherm)! It's just that they don't show it please. How deceiving! D: Both of them use cheapskate foolscap paper too. Lynette's worse - she has to reuse her paper. See? I'm not THAT bad after all (:

My cousin's wedding dinner is tomorrow and I dread it so much. I don't want to wear my pretty gown and I don't want to wear my heels. I'm 167.7cm tall, I don't need heels anymore. I can't balance for nuts and I'm afraid I may look super weird in my gown. Somebody save me please! D:

My to-do-list:
#1 Lose weight
#2 Save money
#3 Pay class fund
#4 Sign report book

Things to buy:
#1 That oh-so-pretty Puma bag
#2 Red/purple/orange/white FBTs
#3 Digi cam
#4 Samsung K5 MP4 player

I think I have quite an irritating/annoying brother. He irritates/annoys me 9058476053489703 times a day and I don't wish to find out why.

Oh yes, I'm a creationist, not an evolutionist.
I don't believe in apes please.

I feel tired.
God, give me strength. I pray that I won't fall tomorrow in my heels, amen.

I love my God don't you love Him too! :D
With His love and my love;
Janice! <3

2007-06-28T20:30:00.000+08:00

[EDIT]

"… Risk your life and get more than you ever dreamed of …." (Luke 19:26 MSG)

In order to obey God, you need to take risks.

Risk is the substance of faith because it requires you to take Step 1 before you see Step 2. Risk compels you to action, even when there seems to be no guarantee of what will be on the other side of your choice.

But its those risks, large and small, that God uses to stretch you from living by sight into living by faith. By taking the risk of following God, you move from a life of independence and self-direction into a life of godly dependence and Holy Spirit direction.

The irony, as we struggle with the risks associated with faith, is that we take a greater risk by remaining independent of God than we do when we take a step of faith that seems to be risky.

I've been thinking a lot lately, including today. I think God has been changing me and I've beginning to have what I'd always wanted to have - unconditional love for others.

For me, it has always been the "you-love-me-so-I love-you" kinda situation. Today, God challenged me to love someone even if the person hates me to the core.

Is it possible for you to love someone who used to take away your clique of friends? Are you able to forgive that person although he/she abandoned you and left you all alone in the dark? Can you?

I can (: And I'm not boasting about it. It's a God-given gift. A year ago, I was so angry with someone who betrayed me and walked out of my life together with a few of my other good friends. It was a painful process and I told God many times that I want to forgive her. And now, she's forgiven.

From Shermaine to Jasmine Tan to Lynette to Chelsea to Jasmine Law to Genevieve to Evelyn to Evonne; the friends I made after a huge thunderstorm.

I lost my ex-good friends but so what? (:

I know I used to blog about this before, but I just can't stop blogging about it. Because it's all proven to be God's work. Ever since _ walked out of my life, I began to pray day and night for more friends. And there was even a point of time when I felt really stupid for thinking that they will be the ones who will see my through my remaining time in TK.

Unfaithful people, you guys hurt me pretty badly and lowered my self-esteem please.

But it was only then I got close to the people I mentioned above, and even closer to the cell, especially bestie and Cordelia, not forgetting Gina, Jasmine Loo and Jasmine Low. Plus, the TKcell, RLL network etc. Ultimately, those are the ones who accepted me for who I was.

I'm happy, just thinking of such happy things.

I find myself stronger at the end of everything. And Cheryl's very right. Sometimes it's okay losing one person. Because you will find yourself with even MORE at the end.

Enough said.

I'm supposed to be doing Legacy so... BYE :D

Love and such l-o-v-e;
Janice

I'm forgiven,
Because You were forsaken
I'm accepted,
You were condemned
I'm alive and well
Your spirit is within me
Because You died and rose again (:

LIVE FAITHFULLY.

P/S; PASTOR LAIFUN'S BABY IS A BOYYY :D
[/EDIT]

2007-06-24T23:58:00.000+08:00

I don't know why I wanted to print my English Composition corrections but I ended up opening my Cluster Camp reflections! Oh man Janice, that's SO NOT the right time to open that file. Because you know what, those few days are the best days I ever had. Okay maybe not the best, but happiness level was 9.5/10. Ask me where the 0.5 went to.

Okay and I got so depressed because school starts TOMORROW. *faints*

One last thing, happy birthday Cheryl (: This will be my last. *hugs*

Just tell me you love me too.

2007-06-24T00:10:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY HONEY SWEETIE PIE!

Cheryl, I want to let you know that through it all, you have been the faithful one friend always there for me. I really thank God for you, someone who is willing to chat with me through the night until we both drop dead, someone with a pair of listening ears, someone patient enough to wait for me to talk when I cry, someone who knows every single part of me, someone who knows me even better than I know myself, someone who assures me in everything that I do. I really appreciate you, lovely. I know you always tell me that best friends don’t thank each other, but I just can’t thank you enough because you’ve done so much for me (: Thank you for keeping my deepest secrets. I know we have the craziest fights, stupid ones, unreasonable ones, unnecessary ones, some out of love and some out of jealousy, and maybe there were times we missed each other too much we felt like killing one another, but nevertheless, you will still be my best friend. I know I used to say things to hurt you, thinking that you don’t treat me the way you used to treat me, feeling that you’re way closer to other people, and sometimes being sensitive and thinking that I don’t know you anymore. Sorry for doubting our friendship. I just thank God that He brought you into my life. I remember the first time we got to know each other, you didn’t take notice of me and I didn’t like you very much. Yet we kicked off as cell members, talking in the wee hours of the night, gossiping our lives away, sharing each other’s secrets and laughing at one another. Now, we have been best friends for… nearly 2 years. (: This is what I thank God for. I will never forget the fun times we had and will be having. I will never forget what you always tell me, that our hearts will be linked together. So who cares if you live in Woodlands and I live in Pasir Ris! We’re together all the time. I may not be there for you 24/7, but always be reminded that God above loves you the way you are. May God bless you with His abundant love this special day. I love you 547164348314343143542341534234 times darlinggg! Without you is just like trying to clap with only one hand. You are many much love.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO.

I'm talking to the birthday girl now and and and we're both hyperventilating. I love you breast! :D I'm glad you are already enjoying this few minutes of your birthday!

HUGS AND KISSES AND HUGS AND KISSES AND HUGS AND KISSES AND HUGS KISSES AND HUGS AND KISSES AND HUGS AND KISSES AND HUGS KISSES AND HUGS AND KISSES AND HUGS AND KISSES AND HUGS KISSES AND HUGS AND KISSES AND HUGS AND KISSES AND HUGS KISSES AND HUGS AND KISSES AND HUGS AND KISSES AND HUGS KISSES AND HUGS AND KISSES AND HUGS AND KISSES AND HUGS KISSES AND HUGS AND KISSES AND HUGS AND KISSES!

2007-06-23T14:00:00.000+08:00

I woke up at 1pm today and I feel so guilty now ~~because I have to skip tuition again! D:~~

Oh man I feel quite angry at a point of time yesterday night because of some Friendster issue. *frowns*

Cheryl, go check out our blog (:

Luke 15:3 Then Jesus told them this parable: 4 "Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? 5 And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders 6 and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, `Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.' 7 I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent. (NIV)

We can very easily get lost in life. We get so busy doing all the busy "stuff" that we lose sight of where we are. The darkness pours out every kind of dark influence at us to distract our attention. We have worries, problems, and difficulties we cannot easily handle. As things slowly unwind in our life, we lose track of where we are, where we are going, and where we have been. For just a few minutes each day, take a little time to sit down next to Jesus. In the silence of those moments, let Him show you where you are going. Let Him show you where you are. Let Him show you where you have been. With Him at your side, He will reorient you. In His love and grace, you will not be lost, instead, you will be found.

I'm learning to give a few minutes of my life to Him each day. It may not be easy, because I often fall asleep during quiet time without ending my prayers, but I know He is still waiting for me to talk to Him again. (:

I was lost, but found again (:

P/S; I think Mommy is having _ again, and I'm quite scared about this. If she's really having _ again, I will blame it on kor and I, definitely. Sorry Mom.

2007-06-22T23:50:00.000+08:00

If you heard God speak, wouldn't He say these words of love?

(For The Power To Stop Hatred)

It is my will you should be a beacon for my love to everyone in my world.
In my love and in my will, I want you to stop hatred one person at a time.
You do not have to have great power in the world to stop hatred.
You do not have to be a person of great influence to stop the hatred so easily infecting the heart, mind, and soul of so many.
You do not need earthly wealth to stop hatred.
You do not need an earthly army to ward off those who have hate in their hearts.
I never want you to ignore people.
I want you now to show others they are wanted and needed.
I want you now to show others they are important to me and to the world.
I want you to show others how much I love them.

Precious child of mine, I love you.

Well Daddy, You know I love You too <333

P/S; I love talking to best. Don't suffer alone please, sweetie pie <333

Rants.
Skip if you want :D

I'm going back to school with a tummy, huge thighs, fatty acids, pimples, flabby arms, big ass and many more. Stay tuned. Sometimes Janice eats like there's no tomorrow. *shakes head* & worst of all, she never fails to neglect the time spent jogging with God. I better start jogging again before those fats multiply. And if that ever happens, I won't want to be seen anywhere anymore. *frowns at tummy* I feel like squeezing the fats off my flabby arms. If only I can do that =/ Good night everyone. Good night fatty acids. Hello school. Hello no life ):

2007-06-22T22:30:00.000+08:00

Let bygones be bygones.

Today is hectic! Right Jas! :D :D :D You're my super good studying partner/motivation. Seriously we can mug through the night, ~~if only our parents allow us to.~~

Wow we met up at 12pm and studied till 8 plus. ~~Of course time was spent eating and talking~~ but sadly, we realized that today will be the last day we're going to study at a library together. Because from Monday (25/6) onwards, sch will end at 4:30pm and we will all drop dead the minute the bell rings. PLUS, there's tuition from 5pm to 7pm every Mondays! *faints* Someone just kill me. But hey, I love A.Math so it's fine. ~~I don't like Mondays very much.~~

A1 here I come! :D Miss Lui is my NUMBER ONE motivation. I must let her see my A1 when we collect our results in about... 6 months' time. Stress is good, but God will not let me suffer. Whoo He's good isn't it (:

I went to buy ~~cheapskate~~ foolscap paper. 5 for $5.05 which means A DOLLAR AND ONE CENT for one! :D Evelyn, Lynette and Jasmine Tan and Jasmine Law, go ahead and laugh at me! I don't care because I know you guys are all jealous. Sometimes being economical is good. But the time spent at Popular, punching the buttons of my calculator can be used to study instead. Hmm...

I love studying with you, Shakespeare's wife. We must study more often! Mug like gays should. Maybe one day we shall meet up again just to gossip our lives away and talk about how bad we'll cry when we leave TK. Oh yes, thanks for wasting time with me at TM to buy some stuff. But yes thanks for the fun and motivation and letting me talk about my boring life, love (:

*frowns* I almost cried while studying at the library just now. Good thing I didn't, if not Jas will scream at me. Haha. And it wasn't because I was too stressed whatsoever. I was listening to a really sweet song and I just felt like I really needed God all the while, yet I was so stupid to have forgotten about Him in the past. I can seriously go and bang the wall.

I didn't know buying presents can be so stressful, but fun.

1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. (NIV)

Love casts out fear. Love boots out fear. Love drives fear away. Love cancels out fear. As goofy as it may sound, love frightens fear away. Love is the victor when fear and love face off. When you love doing a task, even if you feared doing the task in the beginning, soon your love for the task takes away your fear. If you are afraid of public speaking and you work at public speaking enough, you can get so good at public speaking you begin to love speaking. Soon your fear will evaporate.

In the real world in which we live, fear can either be a good thing or a bad thing. Fear can help us, even save our life in some cases. However, fear can also be an instrument of the darkness, keeping us from doing what God desires us to do. Placing your love for God and God's love for you in your heart will, sooner or later, cancel out your fear put upon you by the darkness.

I was fearful of everything around me. I was scared of the dark. I was scared to lose my friends. I was scared of failures. I was scared of literally everything. But God above is with me (:

Won't you whisper that three magical words to me right now? (:

2007-06-21T23:50:00.000+08:00

Oceans Will Part

Verse 1:
If my heart has grown cold,
There Your love will unfold;
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand.
When I'm blind to my way,
There Your Spirit will pray;
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand,
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand.

Chorus:
Oceans will part; nations come
At the whisper of Your call.
Hope will rise; glory shown.
In my life, Your will be done.

Verse 2:
Present suffering may pass,
Lord, Your mercy will last;
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand.
And my heart will find praise,
I'll delight in Your way,
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand,
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand.

Only You Lord, only You.

In You I find my strength.
It's okay, Janice. It's okay if the world decides to walk out of your life. It's okay if you don't feel like living on anymore. Life is short, anyway.

Look to Him.
Look to Him.
Look to Him.

Life is good, after all I have a God in whom I'm (learning to) put my fullest trust in, Someone I'll be following for the rest of my life.

This may be contradictory to my previous post. But who cares? I've thought it through and I guess it all goes back to Him and only Him.

The God that is so real. I experienced that love before. I want to experience even more of that.

Dear friend,
How are you? I just had to send a note to tell you how much I care about you.

I saw you yesterday as you were talking with your friends. I waited all day hoping you would want to talk to me too. I gave you a sunset to close your day and a cool breeze to rest you and I waited, you never came. It hurt me, but I still love you because I am your friend.

I saw you sleeping last night and longed to touch your brow so I spilled moonlight upon your face. Again i waited, so we could talk. I have so many gifts for you!

You awoke and rushed off to work, my tears were in the rain. If you would only listen to me! I love you I try to tell you in blue skies and in the quiet green grass. I whisper it in leaves on the trees and breathe it in colours of flowers. Shout it to you in mountain streams, give the birds love songs to sing. I clothe you with warm sunshine and perfume the air with nature scents.

My love for you deeper than the ocean and bigger than the biggest need in your heart! Ask me! Talk to me! Please don't forget me! I have so much to share to you! I won't hassle you any further. It is your decision. I have chosen you and I will WAIT.

I LOVE YOU.

YOUR FRIEND,
JESUS

I got that from DE tribe blog (: & I know it wasn't by chance I visited their blog. God is great isn't it? (:

Anyway, RL288 meeting next Friday! :D

Grow up Janice.
GROW UPPP, don't grow down! (Haha, okay not funny.)

The Rain

One rainy afternoon, I was driving along one of the main streets of town, taking those extra precautions necessary when the roads were wet and slick.

Suddenly, my daughter Aspen, spoke up from her relaxed position in her seat and said, "Dad, I'm thinking of something."

The announcement usually meant that she had been pondering for some fact for a while, and was now ready to expound all that her six-year-old mind had discovered. I was eager to hear.

"What are you thinking?" I asked.
"The rain!" she began, "It's like sin and the windshield wipers are like God wiping our sins away."

After the chill bumps raced up my arms, I was able to respond. "That's really good, Aspen."
Then my curiosity broke in. How far would this little girl take this revelation? So I asked... "Do you notice how the rain keeps on coming? What does that tell you?"

Aspen didn't hesitate one moment with her answer. "We keep on sinning and God just keeps forgiving us."

I will always remember this whenever I turn my wipers on.
In order to see the Rainbow, you must first endure some rain.

What does the rainbow signify?

"Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." – Genesis 9:16

According to the verse, the rainbow signifies God's promise. It was God's promise to Noah, that he will never flood the Earth and destroy mankind. It was his promise to sustain the world till the end.

But simply, it could just mean God's promise to us. To me, it's God's promise of His love and forgiveness. Like how a rainbow comes up after the rain, God promises that by Him, all our sins will be erased (if we choose to believe in Him).

In order to finally see the beauty and splendor of God's promise, we have to undergo the hard way first. We have to go through sin, because man is sinful. But after that, if we still choose to believe Him, he will, like the windshield wipers, wipe away all our sins, to enable us to experience the rainbow, His promise in its full glory.

Isn't that encouraging?
Then I was reminded of what Gina said to me. 'The rainbow is waiting for you. You're not alone in this waiting process. God above is waiting together with you. Don't be impatient. You'll see your rainbow eventually, after your storm.'

(: I delight in God.

I FEEL RUBBISH.
An hour ago, I was crying over stupid issues in my life and I totally forgot that Someone greater is in control. *slaps myself*

Go 4/2. I know this is random but, if you're reading this and you're from 4/2, all the best for Prelims! MUG LIKE GAYS SHOULD.

So much love;
So much joy.

No matter what the world throws at me now,
I'M GONNA BE ALRIGHT.

Bye lovelies and I can't thank you enough, best friend. You're such a faithful friend one can ever have please <333

2007-06-21T22:40:00.000+08:00

I don't know why people call/msg me only when I'm asleep. I'm supposed to be sleeping now but I can't sleep anymore.

I wanted to buy a dress but ended up buying a gown. Oh yes, I have my heels too.

Love me or hate me is still an obsession
Love me or hate me that is the question
If you love me then thank you
If you hate me then _ you.

Oh the song's nice but really...
Weird :D

Dedicated to you;
Love, Janice.

I'm scared as well. K this post is abcdefg dumb.

[edit]
I cried over this. I am so stupid.
I'm depressed.
I don't know what I did to make this world turn its back against me.
I don't know what I did to make the world reject me.
What's wrong?

But you know what, I still love you. I guess that's the only way out. Whether you choose to believe me or not, it's up to you. It doesn't matter, if you hate me. It's fine with me, really. But don't stop me from loving you. I still love you, friend. We'd been friends for nearly 2 years. I don't know what's in your mind but, sorry alright?

K now, I better stop being such a crybaby emo freak.
[/edit]

2007-06-21T00:45:00.000+08:00

Should I delete this blog? Hmm... I like the URL though :D

I forgot to mention that I saw Miss Lui just now! :D At TM. I was really happy.

Well, Net and I were walking to Starbucks then...

Me: Eh!
Miss Lui: Hello! How are you?
Me: Err okay.
Miss Lui: How are your MYEs?
Me: Alright lah. [Liar]
Miss Lui: Okay that's good. Did you see my remarks? *smiles widely*
Me: Yeah I saw it!
Miss Lui: That's good. Alright take care. Bye.
Me: Bye.

I miss her.

Someone commented in my Xanga because I posted my goal for Prelims. And that person came to encourage me. He/she doesn't sound like a local. Wow God is good (: But it's really scary for someone you don't know to read your personal stuff.

I repented (:

2007-06-20T21:30:00.000+08:00

First you suck up to me.
Then you turn nasty.
And now, you're crawling back to me again.

Nononononononononononono.
No more tricks please. (:
GO FLY KITE LAH.

I went to study with Net Chua today and we were both pretty productive! She told me about her friend, who had 39 for MYEs, 10 for Prelims and 7 for O's! LIKE WOW! We still have hope! I see the light :D

And yes, I'm so going to look to Him and make sure I do my revision everyday. Go Jan go!

So anyway, Lynette was really retarded. I haven't been seeing her for rather long so I thought she won't be retarded anymore, BUT SHE STILL IS. Hahaha.

She spilled her drink! LYNETTE AH LYNETTE. No wonder her surname is Ah.

Okay I had a great day! :D Thanks babe/economical! <333

I need a dress for my cousin's wedding, which is on the 30th of June. Rah, someone help me look out for affordable yet pretty dresses! :D

I need to talk to best friend now because I feel tired from all that mugging. At least she can tell me more about _ and I can continue bitching about _. *evil laughter* I love you babe! I'm really happy to see you happy. Keep it this way! :D Study hard and do well, then we shall go crazy after our exams. Don't bother about _ anymore! Janice the great shall make you the happiest best friend ever <333

I'm quite excited about picking up litter at ECP tomorrow but we're meeting at 8am! *frowns* Lynette and I will most probably oversleep. Err, you didn't catch that! (:

I'll be meeting Eve and Net first, then we shall figure our way there. All the fun people will be going tomorrow. I think it's going to be fun :D I want to bridge! I shall make someone bring a deck of cards along. *sniggers*

I feel like some busy mugger because I've been dating people out to study. Just this week, I have three study dates! I'm quite proud of myself actually.

I SHALL STOP HERE (:

Go away lah, loser.

2007-06-20T01:20:00.000+08:00

Without You

Without you I would have no hope
I'd be all alone without you
Without you I could not be strong
I could not go on without you
Without you

Who would I be if you didn't love me
Who would I be without you
Who would I be if you didn't save me
Who would I be without you

Without you life would make no sense
Dreams would always end without you
Without you spring would not appear
Storms would never clear without you
Without you

Please let me know if you have the song above (: I want it desperately.

I can't sleep and it's already 1.20am! Evelyn and Lynette went offline and I'm still here, looking for things to do.

Now my computer has folders and folders and folders! Quite proud of myself. I feel more organized. Mr. Computer is getting more and more user-friendly everyone!

You Shelter Me

In you I find hope
In you I find peace
Though I stumble, your love never falters
In you I find grace
In you I find strength
You are my rock of refuge and you shelter me

You shelter me
In the darkest of nights, through the stormiest seas
The light of your love is a beacon of safety to me
You shelter me

Jesus, you are a strong tower
All my enemies flee
When I call on your name
You are my rock of refuge and you shelter me

God is so good, so good to me. Yet I failed to see, what He can do for me. I can't believe myself. Yes I can't. I'm such a letdown please.

Today, I realized how much I want my friends to be happy. Especially my best friend. Rah, I need supernatural powers! :D

2007-06-19T22:00:00.000+08:00

[edit]
I'm really disappointed in myself. I deleted the whole post I typed a few minutes ago because it was so directed at someone I was very angry with. But because I felt really mean and sorry for that person, I decided not to post it anymore.

See? Janice is kind ;D

I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I mean, even if people chose to hurt mine, that doesn't give me any right to hurt theirs. Well, time to learn how to love again because it takes so much pain to hate someone.

I better learn to control my emotions and not do things without thinking. Well anyway, in the previous post which I deleted, I wanted to thank Jasmine Tan for explaining some quotes in Macbeth for me so I could get back at someone. You helped a whole lot! :D Somehow Shakespeare makes me feel proud of myself because his quotes are so intellectual.

And also, I wanted to thank Ezekiel for studying with me, although he was being such a nuisance. DISTRACTION PLEASE.

-.-" But we were pretty productive anyway (:

I still feel mean for typing the things I typed just now. The whole post was so immature and so-not-Janice. HAHAHAHAHA because Janice is not immature! ;D Okay fine, I'm just kidding. I admit I still like that mushroom from Mini Toons. *blushes*

I thought I grew.
Nah, anger overruns everything.

Lynette just called me and I realized that she's going to pick up rubbish with us at ECP on Thursday! :D COME ON EVERYBODY. Let's pick litter until we all die! ;D

Why waste today crying? What if tomorrow never comes? Would you want to have wasted your last day crying over someone who doesn’t even deserve you?

[edit]
[/edit]
Oh no I'm starting it again.

Never mind, I shall hold on to what I have! (: I'm not angry anymore. I'm trying to love.

So much love!

Laugh your heart out.
Dance in the rain.
Cherish the memories.
Forget all the pain.
Love & learn.
Forgive & forget.
Because remember, you only have one life to live.

& you're still the horrible-est nightmare I ever had.

I edited this post 34872397593479023840 times, because I cared for your feelings.
[/edit]

2007-06-18T22:10:00.000+08:00

I WAS FEELING SO DOWN DOWN DOWN UNTIL I READ MY TAGBOARD (:

CORDELIA IS BACK EVERYONE! (:
I miss her I miss her I miss her.

WHOA 7 DAYS & TWO SERVICES WITHOUT CORDELIA IS CRAZY.

(: Yay.

Anyway, I just needed to rant that _ was being so cold to me. I don't know why I'm feeling so abcdefg that _ is treating me like dung, but it's just that kinda feeling like _ doesn't care about me at all, not even as a friend.

Rah, I'm angry ):

On top of it all, tomorrow without best friend is going to be so baaad. Oh tell me, when are we going to meet again ): Our date with Charissa is CANCELED. NOOO.

I just put down the phone with Jasmine Tan. She's so cute I tell you. We ranted a little bit about _! Haha. A LITTLE BIT, I promise! ;D

"There's no art
To find the mind's construction in the face."
- Shakespeare

Thanks babe, for reminding me of that quote. It makes a whole lot of sense.

Now I'm talking to Cheryl; biting lips, fighting back tears. And I realized I'm so not ready for this game of love yet.
So forget it, Janice.

2007-06-18T11:20:00.000+08:00

This is so sickening.
This is so unfair.
I feel abcdefg again.

RANTRANTRANTRANTRANTRANTRANT.
oierhnihfihishmklefhknvhaejroia!
kuehfnvasfkuhaeksdhfjkhvkmn!
THIS IS FUN (:
khnkvhkfkcadfnvmkhsdkfjacsdf!

It has never been fair to me, isn't it? HEH.

But then again, I know I'm not alone.
6 more days to think of something special.

Bye Blogger.

2007-06-17T21:00:00.000+08:00

Let me write your name all over my diary (:

I have a pretty Xanga, I swear.

2007-06-17T10:40:00.000+08:00

Okay, I was feeling super upset because I'll be going for service later, alone. Fine, with Gina and Jasmine Low? I'm not used to seeing only three people attending youth. The rest went for morning service because of Dad's Day. & Cordelia's still in Perth ): I wonder if she enjoyed herself. I hope she does anyway. I miss you girls ): We didn't even have a cell outing/bonding this holiday, can you believe it? ))):

Then I ranted to best friend quite a bit and she made me feel a zillion and ten times better. Whoo, and then I realized I'm going to church for God and no one else. I'm still excited for service please! :D

Ezekiel asked me out to mug at Plaza Sing on Tuesday (: Eunice and best friend may be coming along too. I can't wait to mug till we drop, seriously.

Then, I have another study date (kinda) with Lynette on Wednesday! I miss you a lot, Net Chua (: especially your retarted-ism! Yay we're going to talk and binge and talk and binge and talk from day to night and camwhore until our phones die. I can't wait.

I have another study date with Jasmine Tan on Friday! I wonder why I can't stop dating people out to study/people dating me out to study. I mean, the reason why I go out nowadays is to study/mug. What happened to the shopping craze? Don't even ask me about it. Firstly, no money. Secondly, no time. Thirdly, guilt =/

Yesterday's day out with Eunice was good, although we couldn't tan due to the rain. But haha! We had fun talking about our best friends (Cheryl you didn't catch that), sitting on the sand and letting the waves massage us. It was great alright. Thank you babe for the day! I'm glad to have spent my final day of fun with you. After that we binged (kinda) at Swensens and ordered this HUGE (and I mean, huge) baked rice for 2. And according to the photo on the menu, it didn't look that huge. So we ordered some apple crumble thing, which according to Eunice, is really good. In the end, when our baked rice came, we died. So we had to cancel the other order.

Heh, photos another day! I promise (:

I rushed home and went for Grandpa's birthday dinner. It was pretty cool to see daddy and his 7 siblings; supposedly 8, but my second aunt passed away ): It's a wonder to see my Grandpa and his wife, my Grandma I never seen before, to have 9 children. And plus, all 9 children are married and each has at least 2 children. I was a little pressurized, when I looked at the number of people I need to bring to Christ. It's God's challenge (:

But good news! I'll be attending a whole lot of wedding dinner(s?) this year and next year! (: Many of my cousins are getting married and I think my bro is feeling the stress. Haha we took family photos (and trust me we had problems fitting everyone in). First was my Ah Gong and his grandchildren, then with his children. It was so good, so good. My dad is super duper close to his siblings! I can't help but feel a little jealous. He is the sixth child out of nine. (: And my mom's the fourth out of seven.

I hope I can get the photos from my cousin (:
Well, and I found out only yesterday that my one of my cousin's attending FCBC occasionally, just that she hasn't accepted Christ yet. And please, God's so perfect. Of all my cousins, she was the least I expected who will attend church. AND... WHY FCBC? She lives in the North! It was great news. You should have seen my expression. Haha so Christians, pray for me! (:

And when you said you loved me...

2007-06-16T09:50:00.000+08:00

Yesterday's concert was awesome! :D I think Pastor Prince is a really good pastor. He engages with the crowd pretty well and I like his inspirational speeches! And plus, he's really good-looking please.

I just realised that school will reopen in 9 days' time. I think I'm beginning to panic a little. Although yeah, I've been studying, but I haven't been mugging. Somehow I still feel insecure. As if I haven't done enough, and yet at the same time I don't feel like doing more. It's so tiring. To study and stress myself out.

But then again, I'm aiming for a really low L1R5 so if I want to do well, I may need to work an extra mile.

Yes. And everything Pastor Prince shared yesterday will speak to me and change me for the rest of my life. Even if you're not smart, not rich, not good-looking, God will still be by you. He made you the way He wants you to be.

Seriously, so what if I can't make it to a good JC? I guess I need to reflect on that a lot. Expectations from the world, really.

Oh okay I'm ranting a little too much.

Bye world! (:

In my weaknesses, God's strength can shine forth!

2007-06-14T23:15:00.000+08:00

God is great (: says:
anw did ezekiel ask you abt planetshakers?
EUNICE! / up, says:
hahaha he asked me to come, then i can see you
God is great (: says:
when did he ask you?
EUNICE! / up, says:
haha idk!
EUNICE! / up, says:
yesterday i think?
EUNICE! / up, says:
hahaha
God is great (: says:
oh man he's so ass!
God is great (: says:
i just msged him to let him knw i have an extra ticket cos he called me yst (i think) to ask if i had extra but i said no when i had. so i msged him and asked him to ask you and joash to see if any of you wants that ticket.
God is great (: says:
rah and apparently he didnt ask so i just called him and he didnt pick up.
God is great (: says:
if he slept alrdy i am going to kill him!
God is great (: says:
hahahahahahaha.
EUNICE! / up, says:
HAHAHAHAHA
EUNICE! / up, says:
okay i totally dont get what you're talking about HAHAHA
God is great (: says:
):
God is great (: says:
i'm going to blog this whole conversation.

Is it that difficult to catch what I was trying to say? Eunice is another wols (:

2007-06-14T23:00:00.000+08:00

I just came back from my jog and now I'm totally recharged. Mr. Bro was being such a copycat because the moment I came back from my jog, he changed into his sports attire. *frowns* He must be feeling jealous that I was sweating like gay.

Anyway, I won't be blogging here as much as I used to because of some reasons. Or maybe the things I blog here will be super nonsensical like the paragraph above for example.

I can't wait to study with telepathic again. I think she's such a great motivation for me to start off with. Especially when I feel like closing my eyes and dream of Mr. Guy, she will mug and mug right into my face so I will do the same. This is called, pressure. I guess.

Saturday is in two more days. Eunice I cannot wait! *hyperventilates*

Other than that, I think I should leave this blog before I rant any further.

Will you like to play the game of love with me?

[edit]
Reflection:
I've changed, and I'm still changing. That's right. I need to be who God wants me to be. I need to stand strong all the time. So what if people have lots to say about me? So what if the person I used to trust so much is bitching about me now? I don't quite care anyway, because I know God will never see me as a fool. I know He still loves me as I am. I know He doesn't care about what others have to say about me either. The thought of me locking myself up in my room, weeping the whole night through scares me very much. Hang on, that was the past. The past when I didn't know how to handle hurts. That was the time when friends I gave my all to betrayed me. That was when they abandoned me and gossiped their lives away without me. That was when the friends that were once so important in my life left me. That was the time when I was lonely; lonely. Now, I can lean on Someone. Someone greater than anything else in the world. Sometimes I feel like He hasn't been there, but as I thought about it, I realized that subconsciously, He already answered my prayers even before I knew it. What happened to Mommy's depression? What happened to my loneliness? What happened to everything that used to happen to me? My prayers did turn situations around. God did make a change in my life. It's just that I was too self-centered to know that He has been the One transforming my life with His mighty hands. I love You, Daddy. No word can be able to express how I'm feeling now...
[/edit]

2007-06-12T20:00:00.000+08:00

OKAY THINGS ARE FINE NOW.

(: Peace out.

I watched the camp video and felt like crying (kinda).

That three days two nights were the bestest. I will never ever forget the fun please. I loved every single part of it. Great.

I love spiritual family.

Okay anyway, what did I do today?
1) Sleep.
2) Studied a LITTLE bit of A.Math and a LITTLE bit of Chem.
3) Talked to my tortoise.
4) Read the bible *grins*
5) Laughed (like crazy) at my brother's childhood with Mom.
6) Dinner out.
7) Read magazine.
8) Do nonsense online.

Anyway, Chels just messaged me to let me know that there's a new timetable for Semester 2, so everybody remember to bring the right stuff! :D

I still dread school. But I love to study with telepathic! :D That's tomorrow.

A little random but,
I MISS CAMP.

Okay sorry. I really do miss it chunkloads. Oh great oh great.

There's prayer meeting tomorrow night but I don't know where it is. If it's TC I will go after my study date. If not then I shall mug the night through. Haha I know I sound like a nerd but I haven't been revising very much. Really.

So yes, time to work hard. I only have 12 more days of ~~freedom~~ catching up with those work. Rah, kill me.

But then again, Sentosa trip with Eunice on Saturday makes me feel like screaming. You don't know how much I want to go there. I've always been wanting to go; now I've found someone to go with :D

Sorry if I keep talking about camp and it annoys you very much, but I really really really miss it so bad that I don't mind dying for another one. Haha okay that's rubbish.

Indescribable feeling.
Whatever.

Best friend and I almost had a big fight, but God made peace. Both of us ended up apologizing for things that happened long long long long long time ago. Haha we have very retarded fights sometimes.

I think I'm still not mature enough to handle my friendship with other people. I'm sorry Cheryl Tan. I have something for you:

I ♥ YOU!

Hugs and kisses and hugs and kisses and hugs and kisses (:

2007-06-12T09:30:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I wonder if I'm really that hard to understand. I mean, this better be a phase. I don't want to go through this all these stuff over and over and over again. I hate picking little fights with people around me. This annoys me very much. *frowns*

I feel hurt. & I know I'm not the only one feeling this way. It feels so difficult to divert my attention to other things. Don't tell me this is yet another something I have problems letting go of.

Okay, somebody date me. I'm so not going to stay at home thinking of this nonsense.

On a brighter note, here's a song:

Devotion
Hillsong United

Verse 1
I've been running, trying to be one who sees
I've been working, salvation out on my knees
There is nothing better than knowing
That we are redeemed
Unbelieving trusting in creative hands,
I am praying for our world to bow to your plan
And this one thought is unmistakable
I take up my cross and follow you Lord

Chorus
When you stand the tall trees and mountains bow
When you speak the fiercest of oceans is still
And I see the sinner seek devotion
The lost become chosen, and I fall to my knees

Verse 2
Unforgiven, my savior who did not deserve death
He was blameless and I was lost in shamefulness
Undelivered, but it doesn't seem right
Unless I keep my eyes focused on the savior who gave his live
In the middle of a world that denies it believes
It is breaking apart at the very seams
There is one thing to be alive for
And it's to take up my cross and follow you Lord

Bridge
I will take up my cross and follow Lord where you lead me
And I will take up my cross and follow wherever you go

Lord I give all I have to You.

At least I know one Friend will stand with me through it all.

He makes me happy :D

I will do the possible.
& God will do the impossible.
Amen.

I know it's not easy to cheer myself up, not when I'm feeling so down. But yeah, I know that whenever there are ups, there will be downs. This is probably one of the times I'm having my downs. Things will eventually be fine, because I've surrendered this to God.

Worry not!
CHIN UP, and move on move on.

Now, I'm looking forward to Saturday as well. (:

Rah, I miss you, friend.

2007-06-11T21:25:00.000+08:00

I'm having some kind of battle that even Eunice thinks it sucks.

Shit shit shit =/

*frowns* I never felt so confused before.

I have no idea why I'm so tired today. I slept on the bus, on the train, on the table, everywhere. It must be the camp, I'm not sure.

Tuition was bad. I couldn't concentrate. Jasmine Low told me I looked tired 2572517514 times and Jasmine Tan thought I looked like a zombie or something. I immediately rushed home after buying sushi and had a good time with my Z monster :D

Zzzzz...

I cannot wait for Planetshakers. That's the only thing I'm looking forward to now.

I'm feeling abcdefg now.
Never thought that post-camp blues will get this BADDD ):

I'm sorry.

Drained out.
Lord I need You.

2007-06-11T09:50:00.000+08:00

Oh no why am I here? ):

I woke up thinking I was still in camp. Then I realized that I was on my own bed. Spent a couple of minutes letting God know how much I miss the camp. I want to go for another church camp! ):

Ahh. I don't like this feeling ):

2007-06-10T21:01:00.000+08:00

I'm chatting with my smart St. Nicholas cousin online now and I'm teaching her physics when I know nuts about it.

Anyway, CLUSTER CAMP 07 WAS A KICKASS! ♥

~~Now I'm having post-camp blues.~~ God, save me.

It's over.
But as what God had promised me, this camp has undoubtedly made a huge difference in my life.

Apart from the fun and laughter, there were also tears of joy. For some reason, this was the first time in my life I cried out of joy. ♥

This spiritual family can't be better. From the start of the camp till now, I felt like I can never stop smiling. Just thinking of my spiritual brothers and sisters melts my heart. Their care and concern make me feel like I will never be alone. And sometimes I just wish that things could stay like that. I just don't want to come back home.

It's not about their jokes and laughter. It's not about their fun. It's all about their love for me. And today, I realize how important my spiritual family is to me. They just mean so much. ♥

We had to do the dance "Tell The World" for morning workout on Saturday morning and I didn't know about it. Then Hui Hui saw me and she gave me THAT look. I was still being slow (because I just woke up a few minutes ago) until Shin Shin said, "Can all the TOUCHdancers come out to the front please?" I froze. "Where are the dancers? Janice, where are you? Where is Charissa?" I DIED OF ANXIETY because I forgot some steps. Traumatizing experience. Still, it was great! I miss TOUCHdance. After O's okay! Wait for me! (:

After the session with Pastor Roland, I had a hug from Gina. Then, I felt love I never felt before. It felt like God was holding me in His strong hands. It then dawned upon me that my God will never let me go. He will keep holding on to me until the end of time. He will never leave me aside to solve things by myself. He will never ever call me a fool. When the world is disappointed in me, He is proud of me. When the world finds me ugly, He finds me pretty. All because He is my Creator, my Saviour, my ultimate best Friend, my Lover and my Father. Although it's was only yesterday that I got to realize how great and immeasurable His love is, it's never too late (:

& in the afternoon when we had our Amazing Race, I felt so happy. The joy. The fun. The sweat. Though we had to run from places to places and it was really exhausting, we bonded as a group and completed the race. Without the support from the guys and the jokes from everyone else, I won't be able to make it. Serious, you should have seen the weather. HOT LIKE GAY. Thanks Clement ♥ for being so enthusiastic, thanks Kevin ♥ for the Green Tea; it was really sweet of you, thanks Jas ♥ for making the traveling time seems much shorter, thanks Pamela ♥ for making me laugh with your wols-ness, thanks Rosanne ♥ for being so sporting, thanks Weiling ♥ for being so supportive for the group and thanks Grace ♥ for the funny comments you made throughout the time.

We were asked to count 1000 over soya beans for one of the activities during the Amazing Race. Although we didn’t get the right number and had to recount the beans three times, I thought it was the time we really did bond together.

And… we were the 13th group out of 26. (:

The dinner yesterday was great. We had a musical and some kinda "So You Think You Can Dance" thing. It was really cool. Screamed a lot and went crazy. Worship was madly crazy and everything was so cool. I almost died of happiness. ♥

During ministry, when I fell to the ground, I felt peace I never felt in my life before. And as I listened out to God's deep and still voice, I was reminded that my God is mightier than any difficulty in life. He is in control of all situations in my life. And I’m going to take a step closer and closer to Him each day, until I see His face.

Thank You Lord. Without You, I won't be here today.

This morning, we had another time of ministry.
At that time, God spoke to me during worship. It was the song "Amazing" by "Parachute Band".

I am speechless before You
I am nothing without You
I adore You my Lord my God
My saving Grace

Jesus
All I live to do
Is to love You
My God
I stand amazed
Captured by Your grace
Let me sing Your praise
And stand in awe of You
I stand in awe of You

I saw God running next to me, side by side on a running track. I was tired and really drained out, yet God's strength helped me to pull through, press on and finish the race. Many times I brushed God aside. Many times I rebelled against Him. Many times I neglected Him. Yet the support He gave was enough to keep me going. He continued to stand by me and watch me run the race. He sees every step I take. No matter how much I fail Him, He will never fail me. What unconditional love that is.

During ministry, Gina came to pray for me and I was showed the same vision again. Running in a track, trying too hard to get what I really want. But all along I had been using my own strength, my own might. Yet I missed out what God can do for me. I was too self-centered. All I wanted was to do things my way, without knowing that I cannot do much alone. So I asked God to teach me to surrender, I gave Gina the tightest hug I ever gave; this time with joy and full-tank faith.

"There may be storms in your life, but press on, because there will be a rainbow after every storm." ♥

Thank you Gina mommy ♥
Thank You God ♥

Thank you GROUP TWO ♥
Dylan, Weiling, Cordelia, Jasmine Loo, Jasmine Quek, Pamela, Rosanne, Grace, Christabel, Clement, Kevin, Joel, Teck Tee, Kenny and Jia Jin! ♥

I felt so blessed to have Dylan and Weiling as my mentors! :D

Nah, the best camp ever, together with jokes and more jokes. I will definitely miss the times we shared as a group, sitting together during meals and sharing, cleaning up dorms together and prayers for each other.

If only I have a time machine.
If only if only.
I don't care about the dirty toilets anymore. I don't care about how many times I have to scream whenever I see hair on the floor. I don't care how many strands of hair I have to sleep with every night. I don't care being woken up every morning by Cordelia's "Message message message" message ringtone and Sarah's girls' "Spongebob squarepants" annoying alarm. I don't mind letting Jas and Cor tease me about my phobia of you-know-what. I don't mind being mocked by Dylan. I don't mind running around Singapore just to have another game of Amazing Race. I don't mind blowing a balloon until it bursts right into my face. I don't mind dancing "Tell The World" for everyone with the other TOUCHdancers. I don't I don't I don't.

I was quite afraid that my faith level will go down and down and down and down after this camp, but I will pray about it & will never never never forget the goodness of God (:

Goodbye Superstar Training Academy.
Hello homework and blues.
~~SIGH.~~

If it's over, it's over.
Camp's over, of course.
But the friends I'd made over the past three days will still remain as my friends and spiritual siblings. Now I'm looking forward to seeing them again.

Loves; the friendship will stay.
♥

Well, 14 more days till school reopens and 5 more days to Planetshakers!

P/S; I want to be in the camp committee next time when I'm older! ♥

2007-06-07T21:15:00.000+08:00

I was supposed to pack my camp stuff ~~but now I'm going to rant online.~~ I feel so smart.

Went to Bedok 85 with Evelyn, Evonne, Sherm (the gay), Genevieve, Jasmine and Lynette. Hoho the seven of us made our way to binge. Well, not exactly binge, but I ate quite a lot. ~~I actually spent $7 worth of food, AND IT'S LIKE A HAWKER CENTRE -.-~~

Cluster camp is tomorrow (: I cannot wait! I know it's going to be fun but right now I'm still thinking of what to wear instead of FBTs since it's not allowed in the camp! *frowns*

Anyway, Cheryl has an extra Planetshakers ticket for 15th June so please let me know if you want it. First come first serve basis (:

Ezekiel cheated me. I thought he said he needed the ticket. Now he doesn't want it anymore. Pfft and he bought new shoes before I do when I wanted new shoes all along! @&#%$*@!

Alright so, Evelyn and I went to Sherm's house to do our A.Math homework. In the end, Lynette and Jasmine Law decided to come along so we ended up ~~bridging~~!

Eve and I left Sherm's place at about 8pm and I felt bad that Eve got scolded by her mom partly because I made her stay a little longer (long story) so I'm treating her to recess tomorrow.

Yes, I'm not cheapskate slash economical slash economically friendly! :D

I need money.
Cash. Cash. Cash.

That day when I was studying with Jasmine Tan, I realized that the people around me are changing. Even Jasmine, the girl I used to know as someone who really puts RC before anything else in her world, actually realizes many decisions she used to make were wrong. All the sacrifices she had made in the past are the factors that are motivating her to study now. So telepathic, you can do it if you want to and you will always be my role model. I know you've changed and I've changed too. I want to let my L1R5 jump like yours, and I want to thank you for stressing me up at the appropriate time just so I can work harder for the Prelims. Just as others want me to do badly so they can laugh at me, you came and gave me selfless support. (:

And to Jasmine Loo, I want to assure you that I can see the change in you. The big big big change in you ever since you had countless problems with your friends. You know, many times people fail us. But whether you choose to forgive them or not is another matter. I hope you'll continue to trust God because He is after all our Daddy. I want to see you grow; cheer up, and move on. Put the past behind you and live for the future. Stop looking back. If others want to see your past failures and flaws, that's their problem. They are the ones who fail to realize that people DO change. (:

To the seven of you (Chels, Eve, Evonne, Gen, Jas Law, Net, Sherm):
No doubt, in 4/2, you guys are my closest friends. And seriously, I don't know what this year is going to bring if not for you all. I mean, there are definitely times when I have really bad moodswings & stinking attitude problem, yet you guys didn't leave me out. Thanks for understanding that being economical is just being Janice :D I love you all.

Thank you Chelsea for encouraging me when I did really badly for any test (which is like, most of the time). Although we don't usually go home together, I enjoy those days! :D And yes, you may love to hit my boobs I don't know why, I love you lah. You always make me laugh, Mr Funny (: Let's bridge! xxxXXXxxxXXXxxx

Thank you Eve for sitting beside me and tolerating with my lousy nonsense. Haha I know you don't like me to tease you but every time I talk about your eyelids, you didn't stop me from saying more. Thank you for dropping to combined science with me and letting me know I won't be alone. It meant a lot! xxxXXXxxxXXXxxx

Thank you Evonne for those retarded times. I love to laugh and talk nonsense with you. Although yes, we're not that close but I still enjoy talking to you! :D :D I think you're really funny but stop being anti-social! We shall all date you another time! xxxXXXxxxXXXxxx

Thanks Gen for cracking the lousiest jokes ever. I think you're more retarded than I am! (: I think you should stop being anti-social too and start to come out with us more often! :D Anyway, thanks for making me laugh my ass off all the time. Everyone says we're very unlikely friends but who cares! You're someone I can rant with as well, if you can recall. (: xxxXXXxxxXXXxxx

Jasmine Law! I hope you can stop calling me economical! *frowns* And stop being so vain! Haha thank you for making me laugh with you Kaidoh faces. I think I cannot find a better person to bitch about... people. *cough cough* I love to Sakae with you! xxxXXXxxxXXXxxx

Thank you Net for reassuring me that you'll always be there for me. Hmm, you may not realize it but you mean a lot to me and you'd helped me grow spiritually as well. I'd learnt truckloads from you and I do miss the walk-from-bus-stop-to-MJ days (: Still, thanks for the retart-ed days. *hugs* xxxXXXxxxXXXxxx

Sherm the gay! I love you because I have someone to gay with! :D Thanks for hating things I hate and loving things I love. We always share the same taste! Haha ginger soup and yam and sesame are the things we'll consume the LAST. Thanks for sharing the same perspective as me all the time and uhm, gossiping with me whenever needed. Let's bridge! xxxXXXxxxXXXxxx

I'm talking to Cordelia on the phone now and I think she's another retarded one. Oh my gosh everyone is turning more and more gay :D Join the club!

Okay that's all I'm leaving behind before going for camp. Work hard everyone, for the Prelims (: It's in just two months.

Stop brushing me aside. If you don't need me I don't need you too. If you think I'm only an option to you, you shall be my option too. We're quits (:
Sometimes I really wonder why I'm feeling this way. I'd never felt this way before. Each time I think I really need to talk to someone, I always end up being alone. And, the more I want to cry, the more I can't. This feeling is so... ugh. &%*$*@#@!

Note: I took 45 minutes to type this entry. It's 10 pm now so I better get going. Take care everyone and God bless you!

2007-06-06T21:45:00.000+08:00

HELLO WORLD.
GOODBYE EMO.

(: I'm trying to be happy. And I know I will be happy because God is my joy.

I know I thanked you enough, but thank you Eunice for giving me your advices when I needed to rant. Hearts! <333

Camp is in two days! :D

Now I'm on the phone with Cheryl. & hmm, school today was fun and good! (:

Studied with telepathic after school. I love telepathic (: She motivated me to study and work towards my goal. Thank you Jasmine Tan! :D

Good.
K I'm talking to a million people online now so bye world! :D

[edit]
I don't friend Chelsea anymore because she's only going to sch after recess tomorrow. *frowns really hard*

& I just realised I didn't use the word "gay" in school today because Sherm wasn't in school. Rah.
[/edit]

2007-06-05T23:15:00.000+08:00

Thanks Eunice (:

You saved my life.

<333!

2007-06-05T17:20:00.000+08:00

I feel like a loser.

Took 31 from Parkway to Tampines and you just don't know how long it takes. [Note: I was alone. Now you see how emo I was.] I swear if someone was sitting next to me, I would have poured out my heart's contents to him/her. (:

And from Tampines, I took 3 and slept all the way. When I woke up, I realized I was in err... Punggol. So I alighted the bus, crossed over and went home. ~~Throughout the whole going-home journey, I blamed myself for being so stupid.~~

School today was bad.
Really bad.
It just can't be worse, seriously.
[I'm talking about lessons.]

Those thoughts running through my mind. It was so difficult for me.

If you don't want to read my ramblings, you can skip it (:

Now I'm thinking of ****** and I think I feel sorry for her. Not that I want to pity her, but it just feels like a part of her is already missing and I understand how she feels. It's so obvious to everyone of us that she's feeling so empty deep down. Yet some people chose to ignore the way she's feeling now and continue to make things worse. I mean, it's not easy losing a friend. If you hadn't lost one before, try it and you'll understand. Sometimes I just wish I can help, but I know I won't be able to. Sigh.

As for ******, I really am not sure whether I'm still her priority, or am I just an option to her. I am just so tired of this friendship but I know I have to hang on there. Plus, I can't stop reading ______'s blog and getting jealous over her life because her life is just so complete. And each time I read her blog, I feel envious of her. Okay blah blah blah no one can understand what I'm ranting about anyway.

~~Then came *******. This one is even more complicating. I don't wish to think about it.~~

I'm done ranting.
I feel mean because I can't help those friends in need.

But anyway, had lunch at Parkway with Sherm, Jas, Net, Evelyn! (: Evonne was being anti-social so she didn't join us. *frowns*

I had no idea why we started talking about Bedok 85 and the oh-so-yummy food! :D I kinda drooled a little and I'm so going to drag daddy there one day.

Sherm and I couldn't stop telling Evelyn how much we love her. Haha and she was really freaked out by us. Sherm is the gay-est! :D

Today is such a bad day.
):
):
Bad like gay.
Hot like gay.
Boring like gay.
Tired like gay.
Sweat like gay.

Maybe because Chels the gay wasn't in school today.

OH WELL I BETTER GET GOING.
This gay post is killing me.

I tried calling people up to talk, just to make myself feel better;
~~But everyone turned me down.~~

:D Rah rah rah.
There's school tomorrow.

SPOILER. ):

He's the one who makes the sun shine
He's the one who that puts the moon in the sky
He's the one who hung the stars
One by one

He's the one who makes the birds sing
He's the one who makes your dreams so high
He's the one who makes me smile
Day by day

2007-06-05T05:40:00.000+08:00

I feel so retarded! ): It's 5:40am now. I shall stop using the computer at 6:30am.

You can call me crazy, very crazy or super crazy, but I cannot stop thinking about Cluster Camp. I JUST CAN'T WAIT.

There are so many beautiful moments in Cluster Camp for the past two years. I really cannot imagine what we will be doing in a few days' time. Probably making new friends, knowing new people, drawing closer to God and a whole lot of crazy times! :D

I hate school. Do you hate it too? ): I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT.

Why is there such a thing called O levels? D: SPOILER.
SPOILER.
SPOILER.
SPOILER.
SPOILER.
SPOILER.
SPOILER.
SPOILER.
SPOILER.
SPOILER.
SPOILER.
SPOILER.
SPOILER.

But anyway, speaking of school, all the best to those having their O level SPA today & tomorrow. You guys can do it! (:

Life seems so weird knowing that there's a friend to talk to, yet there's no one to talk to.
I always end up keeping things to myself.

): Why am I getting emo again? It must be the school blues. It must be. Ugh, this is getting on my nerves.

I was reading through my archives and I think I was some kinda crazy shit in the past. Haha. I'm positively sure I'm not as childish as last time. Although I still love that mushroom. *hyperventilates*

I want a new MP3. *pouts*

D: Goodbye depression.
:D Hello happiness.

Nah, that didn't work. I'm still feeling very @#$%@^$#&@*$@#!
SIGH.

~~No. of times the word "crazy" has been used in this post: 5~~

BYE BLOG I (seriously) LOVE YOU WORHSXZSXZSXZ!
(K, it's 6am now.)

L-O-V-E;
That three magical words.

2007-06-05T03:30:00.000+08:00

I never felt more retarded than this. It's like 3:30am in the morning and I just woke up.

I woke up thinking a lot. And that explains why I'm here now. Sometimes I really wonder how life will change 6 months from now. I never once imagined life without people in TK. Until today.

What a way to start out this post.

Then I thought of how I want God to change me into another person. Cell group on Sunday kinda affected me. Am I willing to stop what I'm doing now to help someone I really dislike when he/she is having a problem right now? To be honest, I don't know if I can do it.

Love your enemies.
I never knew it's not easy.

Not that I have many enemies, but of course there are times I cannot tolerate with the people around me. Still, I have to love them because God says so.

(By Rick Warren)
Jesus had to deal with a lot of difficult people. Here are FOUR methods he modeled through his life:

1. Realize you can't please everybody (John 5:30). Even God can't do that! One wants rain while the other demands sunshine.

2. Refuse to play their game (Matt. 22:18). Learn to say no to unrealistic expectations. Confront them by "telling the truth in love."

3. Never retaliate (Matt. 5:38-39). It only lowers you to their level.

4. Pray for them (Matt. 5:44). It will help both of you. Let God handle them.

Make this Bible verse your goal this week, "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." (Rom. 12:18 NIV)

If you learn how to deal with difficult people early on, then you'll be able to pour more energy into ministry rather than needless conflicts.

I'm learning to help the friends around me now. Church starts on Monday and ends on Sunday. I'm not a Christian only on Sundays, but a Christian all the days of my life.

Part-time student;
Full-time Christian.

3 more days to Cluster Camp (:

They haven't told us what we're supposed to bring for the camp yet. I'm getting a little nervous and excited.

Charissa's so funny. She messaged me yesterday when I was in class and asked me to have lunch with her. But of course I couldn't ): School spoils everything.

After school, I had Sakae with Law and Chua. *beams*

Bestest;
Aye, I know you're going through truckloads of junk, but I want to let you know that I'll be here. K fine, you must be sick of hearing me say that all the time, but it's the truth! (: Please please please hang on there. It's not easy and it won't be easy but it's gonna be fine. Trust me I don't want to see you in this situation. Really. Don't be unhappy okay. Janice the great loves you very much! Most importantly, God loves you, just for who you are! (: I love you babe! xxxXXXxxxXXXxxx

I never felt this way before.

Oh my pretty pretty boy I love you
Like I never ever loved no one before you
Pretty pretty boy of mine
Just tell me you love me too

God, change me.

2007-06-03T20:34:00.003+08:00

I'm back to announce that my computer is officially okay.

(: I feel smart all of a sudden. Pray hard that Mr. Bro will not steal my speakers anymore. This computer is too old to make any risky changes.

Hooray. Now I cannot concentrate in school because I'll be thinking of Cluster Camp. Greaaat.

 And I want it to be over
I so want it to be through
In the end somehow it always comes back to you

2007-06-03T18:10:00.000+08:00

Okay I'm really angry with my computer so much that I want to throw it down my house. Seriously, it's getting on my nerves.

1) I thought there was smth wrong with the computer so I restarted Windows XP. In the end? All my pictures were deleted. Okay never mind.
2) THEN, my WMP went missing and I can't seem to get it back. SO, I went to download this player in my computer.
3) BUT, my speaker isn't working as well so I'm really speechless.

Thanks ah, Mr. Computer for making me do so much yet all you can do is to show me your stinking attitude problem and it's really killing me.

I really wonder if God doesn't want me to use the computer or smth. This computer shall not be used then. All I can do is to surf the net and MSN. I cannot listen to my songs like I used to anymore.

I don't care I think I need a laptop now. This computer is going nuts.

&&& everyone around me is getting Monday blues already. Cheer up dudes! I'm not feeling any much better. Ever since I admitted something to Cheryl, I keep thinking of the matter and it just feels like I'm not going to do anything about it. I don't know I don't know I don't know.

This is so not the right time to think about such things but I seriously am getting the feeling. Okay Janice can go and die right now. ROFLMAO.

Anyway church today was great. I know above all, God will still be emmanuel and all. That's all I need to know to keep me going. And about the matter mentioned above, I shall continue to seek God and see what I shall do about it. Sigh. I hope His answer will be a positive one.

On a lighter note,
5 MORE DAYS TO CLUSTER CAMP.

(:

Once again, this post shall end abruptly. Just like that.

From the moment you looked at me
And ever since you called my name
You've been everything that I've seen
And know I'm caught up in this game

2007-06-02T22:30:00.000+08:00

I'm so not dumb. Haha I really don't understand why some people like to take me as an idiot! *frowns* I may look stupid ~~sometimes~~ but but but I'm not! Okay I'm not smart, but I'm not stupid either.

Come on get a life (:
No life? Get one.

K fine, I have no idea what I'm trying to put across. But it makes me angry to know that people think I don't know things which I know long long long time ago. Great, I don't want to elaborate anymore. (:

Whatever it is, I'm glad to say my day was good. Haha I toured around Singapore with Cheryl and we talked about... THINGS (:

Hmm, somehow, I'm quite confused right now. Hang on, I'm not 18 yet so I shouldn't even be thinking of being confused about SUCH things. Right, this post is getting me nowhere.

I cannot wait for Monday because there's tuition. Haha okay that sounded really wrong, but yeah. I love tuition with telepathic. We actually didn't go for tuition together for nearly a month.

I'm going out with Cheryl again on Tue to get her stuff. & studying with telepathic on Wed. Whoa am I busy or busy? D:

I'm talking to Serena the banana online now and she told me that her A.Math teacher died because she hasn't been seeing her. Oh my goodness. ~~(Hint: Her A.Math teacher is also Zan's A.Math teacher.)~~

This post shall end abruptly. (:

2007-06-01T19:20:00.000+08:00

Hey earthlings.

Tomorrow is binging day. Binge-till-you-drop, right bitch? (:

Although I was late for school ~~and rolled my eyes at this lousy prefect I so cannot stand~~, everything else went fine. Thank goodness Tofu and Jocina were late with me so we were busy cursing the prefects for not giving us another chance. PLUS, I reached ON THE DOT. Some people just want to have me booked is it? Like, anything, whatever, up to you. Hahaha. I don't want to care so much about rules and regulations anymore. It's my last year in TK. I just want to do well for O's and have fun for the rest of the year! (:

Chels, Sherm, Zan and I skipped recess just to bridge together! It's so fun playing that intellectual game and teasing Sherm of her lousy Korean song!

Chelsea was the gay-est today. Oh my goodness she drove me nuts during Geog. All of a sudden she asked me, "Jan, do you think I'm funny? I think whoever talks to me finds me funny right?" I was like, -.-" How random can Pua Wan Yi Chelsea get! But she's so weird today she made me laugh my guts out ~~with her spasm.~~

We bridged and daidee-d during our free period. I was playing with Gen, Von, Eve and Jiayun. Seems like Jasmine Law just couldn't stop revealing my cards huh! Hmph. I was only a little bit angry. Hoho never mind. Jasmine Law you watch out okay! I will reveal yours one day. See whether you still dare to "ACE OF CLUBS" or not. Lol.

Best came over to my house after school. A last minute decision. There was a small commotion at home. Sorry best, if my computer was really screwed up and sorry for letting you see the rotten side of my family. Haha but we're quits right! Because that day when I was at your house...

I accompanied best to Tampines to buy cheese for her dinner. Then waited with her for her bus to come. We decided to binge tomorrow so expect to see a fat me. (:

When I reached home, Mommy told me weird stuff abt my friendship with best. It was quite unexpected because Mommy ain't that kinda person who will discuss about such things with me. But it was good. I was so happy that I messaged best immediately and she told me her mom said the same thing about us! :D BY THE WAY, we both fell at separate times today. I slipped while she tripped. The only difference was, I didn't laugh at her but she laughed at me! ): Hoho it's okay. I'm used to it because I've been very accident-prone lately and often mocked by others. Hmph! D:

Alright tomorrow is food festival. Svc on Sunday. Tuition on Monday. Study with telepathic on Tue and maybe Wed. CLUSTER CAMP ON... *drum rolls* FRIDAY!

I can't wait I can't wait. Someone please remind me to study okay! :D

Love love love;
Janice.

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain.

And suddenly it dawned upon me that when you've done something wrong, everyone remembers but when you've done something right, out of good will, no bad or cruel intentions, no one remembers. It's sad, isn't it?

2007-05-31T21:30:00.000+08:00

Hey earthlings!

I stayed home today because I had no money. In the end I felt rather depressed because I kept thinking of sad stuff while studying so I wanted to date someone out to jam with me. Well, before I knew it, I was already at the arcade in White Sands with Jas and we were having so much fun racing cars with kids younger than us. Yes, cheapthrill. And we actually lost to this boy. Come on, racing cars has ever since been my hobby. I know this is the wrong time to get addicted to it, but it rocks so badly it helps to throw your problems away. For a moment, I thought I was stuck in lala-land (:

I studied a little of Bio and Math in the afternoon. I know I shouldn't be going out at all, but cooping myself at home makes me feel sick and tired of life. Life has brought me quite a lot of problems and no doubt, it's driving me nuts. Each time I think of ways to spice up my life, I always end up making my life worse. I hate putting on that mask... that brave front, I mean.

Dreading church is going to be the last thing in my mind. Thank God that though I'm dreading service, I am looking forward to Cluster Camp '07. He told me that this coming camp is going to be a good one for me. And God will keep speaking to me until I know what He has in plan for me. I know ultimately, whatever I do, however I feel, whether I like it or not, it will always be God I will turn to at the end of the day.

So despite what I'm feeling now, I will look to Him. Don't worry peeps. I won't let emotions run me down again. It must be what Cheryl calls the "sch blues". I hate school. I hate to face teachers I don't want to see. I hate taking tests and failing every single one of them. But yes, for the sake of God, my parents, the cell and telepathic, I will do well for my O's. Breakthrough yes!

Okay speaking of telepathic, I'm so sorry! ): I know I'm supposed to meet you tomorrow but I got to cancel my date with you. Oh my goodness I'm really sorry. Can we study together again next week? I love you chunks and chunks!

Right, let me go back to where I stopped. After having so much fun at the arcade, Jas and I went to Tampines to meet Cheryl and Edmel. Jas got to leave early and Edmel got to go back to his camp. So Cheryl and I walked around until...

I SAW CHARISSA POH!

Okay we were at the basement on the way to NTUC then I saw this familiar person so I shouted her name, "Charissa Poh!" :D She was with this guy called Ryan and supposedly from our church too so the four of us went grocery shopping at NTUC -.-"

I literally laughed my guts out okay. Cheryl couldn't choose what drink she wants to buy so I suggested "Anything" and "Whatever". Charissa went, "No no, there's this new drink called 'Up To You', very very nice, right Janice?" So I played along and Cheryl got tricked. Hoho! Bitch; you're the wols-est person ever! (:

Nothing can be better than slacking in a supermarket with crazy people like them. I wished the time could stop because I really don't want to go back to school! ):

We went to chill out at Mac and crapped a lot. Charissa saw the keychain on my wallet and said she had some kinda problem with the friend she shared the similar keychain with. So my immediate reaction was, "Cheryl! Return me back the keychain return me back the keychain!"

It was really nonsense and dramatic.

Yay blogging makes me feel so much more like a happybean (:

2007-05-31T09:17:00.000+08:00

Whoa, I realised I have been missing out a lot online. Why is everyone blogging so much! *FROWNS* Bitch is supposed to blog for me but she... didnt. *FROWNS HARDER*

Anyway, my computer's spoilt. I'm using my bro's laptop now. Heehee. If he finds out I'm dead. Lol.

My life has been dumb and retarded. I went for a swim on Monday after tuition. Tuesday was the retarded-est! I spent the whole day at Cheryl's place. Haha it was really weird. We were SUPPOSED TO study but ended up talking, using the comp, reading her lousy love letters, watching tv, a little bit of sleep and witnessing a commotion. Chaotic man. Haha but I think the commotion came from my dream. Fine, seems like only Cheryl knows what I'm talking about.

Then Ezekiel called me when I was at Cheryl's house and he asked me why there's global warming lately. Obviously I came up with an ideal model answer that says, "Because I'm hot." :D He was so angry I tell you! Apparently his answer was similar to mine so we argued about who's more hot. I WIN! :D

He'll be going for Planetshakers too. Hoho. & I don't know why Cheryl kept wanting me to meet him.

Went out with Clara, Siqi and Jo yesterday for a SHORT WHILE. We met at Pasir Ris MRT and lunch-ed at White Sands. All of them commented that White Sands is becoming more hip. Thanks ah! :D I think East Point is becoming more hip too so Siqi and Jo can rejoice. Hoho.

It's great to catch things up with a few old friends. I mean, in my whole TK life, it has always been the 2605 people that made a great impact. Look at those lousy chitchats we used to have! Haha. I'm really glad to hear that Clara and Jo haven't been talking to ***** as well so I'm not the only one. I guess people do change. Just really happy I'm not the only one feeling that way. The feeling of wanting to talk to someone, yet you know you can't.

After a few games at the arcade (at White Sands yes), we walked to Pasir Ris Park. It kinda killed me because Jo is the fastest runner in TK and I just to keep up with her.

Today is Vesak Day! Hoho I shall be good and stay home since there's sch tomorrow and I have no money to go out.

Chatting with Edmel online now. It has been a long time since I last talked to him. & Hui Wen didn't reply me online! I'm quite sad. I miss her quite a lot and I so want to meet up with her again.

Okay I guess I should go off now.

2007-05-26T09:48:00.000+08:00

Hello earthlings! I'm finally back (: Life has been great, yet complicated. I'd just submitted my form to take combined science and I'm not sure if it's going to benefit me or anything. But whatever it is, I think I should just leave it all to God.

These few days have been a little bit of studying and bridging. Met up with Cheryl on Monday to study but ended up camwhoring. Studied with Jas Tan in MP library until about 8:40 pm? Shopping with Jas Low and Cordelia on Wednesday. Studied with Jas Tan in MP library till 8 plus on Thursday and RL 288 meeting yst! :D

I'll be having tuition later on and after that maybe meeting Jas Loo to study, although I don't really feel like studying today. Well, GDOP TOMORROW! (:

13 more days to lovely camp.

Oh yes, best of luck to all the people taking O level Chinese! Add oil add oil.

I think I had been stressed unknowingly because I had this really bad headache on Thu night after studying and it lasted until I fell asleep. That bad huh. I felt like pulling out every single strand of hair. And on my way home, I began to tear because of the throbbing head that was really killing me. It hurts every time my heart beats. Can you imagine how much it hurts! Oh my goodness.

RL 288 meeting was really good yesterday night. For the first time in my life I spoke in tongues for so long and loud and ugh! (: I was spiritually charged! The presence of God was so strong and yeah, best thing was, Eugene papa sent me home. I should have recorded the conversation in the car. It was really stupid. I didn't know Eugene papa is that kinda guy. Hoho. I'm sure Cordelia's dying to know what happened in the car. :D

BYE DUDES!

2007-05-19T11:17:00.001+08:00

Hosanna

All the nations come
They bow and sing Your Majesty forever
Every tongue confess
That You are Lord

Every knee shall bow
Declare Your name that You are Lord forever
High and lifted up
We bless Your name

In Your holiness
I find redemption song
In Your Majesty
I find where I belong

Hosanna
You are holy and exalted
Hosanna
You are high and lifted up
Hosanna
You are worthy of all praise
We worship You
We worship You

I need all of You, Lord.
I don't want to let go of You again.

Fill me with Your Love so strong, stronger than all my problems.
Take away all my troubles, take away all my pain, take away all my hurts. Heal me once again and never let me go.

I want to stop ruining friendships in my own hands.
Jesus, not my will but Yours be done.

Take all of me.

I love "Hosanna". It reminded me that I am ALWAYS in God's love, that nothing I do or didn't do will ever change that fact. Amazing isn't it, that although sometimes we feel that we don't deserve to be loved, that we are worthless and we feel lousy abt ourselves, GOD STILL LOVES US! A simple-to-understand fact of how a father loves his child regardless. And it is because of such a love we can face life without fear.

I'm going to ignore what the world has got to tell me. Maybe it's time for me to stop crying my troubles away, because it ain't going to help a single bit.

P/S I won't be blogging any time soon because I'm supposed to ban myself from the computer. Sorry Jasmine Tan for breaking my promise. I just needed to rant a little bit. (:

Love, is all I need.

2007-05-17T21:10:00.000+08:00

I feel so lost.
I feel so disappointed.
I feel like I need loads and loads and loads of help.

I can't possibly sit at a corner, watching the world go by. I don't want to see half the world achieving fantabulous results, yet I'm stuck in the same old situation.

Seven or eight? I really don't know.
So stop bugging me! ):

I went home and slept for 4 hours. I didn't want to study.

I hate TKG. What's with the thing about dropping subjects? You're not doing the students any good, please.

I know I'm selfish. I know I am jealous. I know I'm horrible. I know I am a lousy friend to many others. Sorry if I haven't been speaking to some of you for a long time. I'm just angry with myself for doing so badly in the MYEs, & I cannot accept the fact that everyone else around me is improving drastically. But trust me, I'm trying to be happy for you guys, and I think I am. I know you all studied way harder than me anyway, and so you all deserve the good grades. Chelsea, Sherm & Jasmine Tan, you three are great, really. ~~I'm just not good enough.~~

No more tears. I guess this time it's over. After today, marks will be finalised. There's nothing I can do about my marks anymore. I just feel so sorry for myself.

):

Jia Xin shall be my role model for the next 5 months or so. I really need people like her to keep me going on.

When I felt really helpless and as though I had just let the whole world down esp my mom, special people stepped in and gave me support. Although till now, I'm still on the verge of crying and emotionally unstable, I really thank you all. You should know who you are. Thanks to those who gave me advices as to whether I should drop a subject or not. You all helped so much! (:

I'm losing faith in myself. I just can't keep up anymore.

Click here: MJ's site.

I wonder if I can even get to that school or not.

God is still my strength.
It seems like the more I want to let Him go, the closer I'm drawn to Him.

22 more days to Cluster Camp. Just something to look forward to (:

Is this reality? Best friend is gone. Grades are gone. Happiness is gone, too.

Thank you Ezekiel (:

2007-05-14T10:10:00.000+08:00

I'm at home receiving Cheryl's MYEs results :D Haha she's updating me with her grades. Okay... -.-" (And I dreamt of her yesterday night, gosh.)

I know I'd been repeating this but life has been so great! :D

Tuition later on *frowns* A little anti-climax, I know. I tried shifting it to the June holidays but Mrs Ng said that she won't be free. Ugh, TWO hours of tuition.

Yesterday's sermon was fantabulous! (: Though a little boring because I didn't really get it, but ministry was good and once again, hurts began to fill up my mind like some kinda inflated balloon. I wonder why (again) but I know God has His reasons. It just feels like a repeat of yesterday.

I have no idea why I cried so hard anyway, but I just did. I'm glad the whole cell went down at the end of the svc for God to minister to us. This must be a time for all of us to grow and I know God will do His work in us! :D

Pastor Eugene said something that made me feel so precious and important. He apologized to us on behalf of our parents, teachers, leaders, friends and the list goes on. I never realized apologies like that can touch me so badly. I guess many times, people hurt us unknowingly and sometimes all you need is an apology from him/her to reassure you things will be the same as before. But I received whatever I needed to receive yesterday and it was full of anointing.

I will never look down on myself anymore. (:

Okay I think I should go now.
Jas and Cor are like some sushi monsters who are craving for Sakae. Now I have to dig out money to have my buffet with them later. Haha I love you lah, DRUNKARDS.

Cheryl;
Whatever that happened yesterday, you have yet to tell me. But but but, cheer up and err, we shall chat tonight! Thanks for everything, love <3

2007-05-13T09:30:00.000+08:00

I prayed for someone to receive the gift of tongues. First experience and it was great (:

God's at work. Amen.

I have no idea why during the Ministry with the Poor conference, all my hurts start coming into my mind. Mostly being accused of doing things I didn't do. It's the thing that hurts me the most because I know nothing I say can help me. I know I haven't been myself lately. I know.

During the first worship yesterday, I couldn't remember the song but I know the minute it was played, I couldn't open up my mouth to worship. Instead I cried for the first time in 38978975969739 years. Haha okay not that serious. That was because God showed me the hurts I'd been going through recently. Yet I think I'm so strong I can overcome everything without Him. Yeah in that sense, act smart. I didn't know by doing that I wasn't seeking help; I was running away.

Whatever it is, I know God has a reason for doing that.

I don't feel like blogging anymore (:

I think I've grown.

P/S; Sorry everyone, for not being a friend worth loving for.

I LOVE YOU, MOM <333

Glory To God

2007-05-12T09:54:00.001+08:00

I love You.

2007-05-12T08:00:00.000+08:00

I have linked a few people up and I've decided to visit only their blogs.

The big problem with me is I love to blog-hop to the extent that I usually find myself reading juniors' blogs, if not, someone else from some other ulu school. And by the way, that's really time consuming. If every blog takes up 10 minutes, I think I can use the computer for like, 4 hours?

Life has been good. I thank God that English results improved by 10 marks, but I missed B4 by a mere 0.3 mark. So sorry to Farah, Candice, Atiqah and Chrystal. I know I complained a little too much but too bad! I'm still a little angry with Mrs Lopez for marking my compo down (17/30) but I think there's nothing I can do about it so yes.

I told God I want a 17/25 for summary (which I THOUGHT could help me get a B4) and I had my 17 (:

Maybe I shall stop being complacent because I know many others did so much better. Anyway I just want to thank God for this!

Ann, Cor and I went to meet Gina for a small talk on TGFTK (which is seriously going on well). After that they went to PS while Gina and I went to meet Jasmine and Michelle. Haha we were supposed to help Gina get her working clothes (oh she's going to teach at Haig Girls') but instead, I bought a top from Dorothy Perkins and Jas reserved a pair of shorts there. Well, Gina went home empty-handed.

Yesterday was fun. We bridged a lot and I think I miss that game. TGFTK was good. We discussed about the event that's coming up and chilled out at Video World with Ann, Jasmine & Cordelia. Sang loads and loads and loads of songs and helped Cor pick a Christian song for Carnival Day.

I followed Cor to cut her fringe, which she thinks is really gross now but I think it isn't. Walked around at Popular and ended up being drunkards again -.-

Went to This Fashion for the fun of it and mocked the stuff there. Haha but still, we managed to choose a tube dress each and went to try for joy.

We wanted to go home already but decided to meet Jasmine Loo in the end so we found ourselves in Parkway. We kinda awarded the bus driver the "Best Bus Driver in the Century Award" because he was so great I had to hold on to the pole so tightly I felt like I was going to break it.

Okay I don't feel like blogging anymore. My day at Parkway was great. Basically, I couldn't stop giggling and I want that top from Dorothy Perkins! D: D: D:

~~Financial crisis. Sigh.~~

I'm meeting those two lovelies again later on. I'm quite worried Si Hui won't go with us in the end ):

But okay that's all bye!

It's not that I want to ignore you. It's not that I hate you. It's not that I'm getting jealous again. It's not that I have more friends now. It's not that I have many others to care for me. It's not that you're my option and not my priority. It's not that I don't love you anymore. It's not that you're no longer my best friend. It's not that I don't care for you anymore. It's not that I'm diverting my attention to others. It's not that I've no time for you. It's not that I am very busy. I just hope you understand what I'm going through now. Hurts from friends, betrayal throughout the years, being left alone, outcasted by a huge group of people, broken and tattered; I've experienced them all. No matter how much I want to hide these feelings away, the problems will still be there. I still love you, of course.

2007-05-11T21:20:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CLARA LEONG LI SHAN.

I tried to pretend to forget and not wish you anywhere but I cannot bring myself to do that. I think I've failed. Haha but anyway, don't worry you're not forgotten. How can I forget you if my handphone starts to ring in the midnight of 11th May and wake me up from my beauty sleep with it's never ending vibrations? Haha I don't care we're still going out next week and you cannot postpone it anymore okay? :D Thanks for all the love and joy and fun and laughter and peace and EVERYTHING. I love you truckloads okay (: I will never ever forget about your boyfriend-to-be Guo Ping a.k.a Ping Guo (apple). COME ON I REMEMBER HIS DEAR NAME. Haha oh my goodness how about calling him "da4 bian4" again? I'm so sure he was this chao-ta guy who thinks he's oh-so-good in basketball. LOYANG NO. 8 RIGHT! :D :D :D I know my memory's super good. Are you jealous! :D (But okay I miss those times when we teased Jo that her husband was some blanga pushing the rubbish bins.) Don't worry about anything else. Just have fun and be a good 16-year-old girl and don't mock me! I'm about 3 months and a day younger than you! :D God bless you, and cheer up! <3

2007-05-09T17:35:00.000+08:00

I tried not blogging but it just feels weird.

My mother is nagging at me now because my HP bill has been exceeding 50 bucks and I have no idea why... I mean, I don't always call out and I take note of the number of messages I send each month. How can that be! D:

We had our Geog MCQs back and I think I did better than expected but could have been better. Afterall, for the first time, I REALLY studied for Geog. Still, thank God(:

First two periods were pretty fun because the teachers had to mark our scripts. I fell asleep during English (like, literally) and bridged with Sherm, Chels and Jiaxin. Oh my goodness I just realised Jia Xin's so gay esp when she plays bridge (and she admits it herself too)! I'm looking forward to more games with them. Sorry Sherm I know I'm a lousy partner! Haha.

I think I want Miss Lui to continue teaching me A.Math. All of a sudden it feels like Miss Yeo's going so fast, although I know her speed is about the same as Mrs Ng. But still, it's different. I couldn't stop telling Sherm how much I cannot adapt to the changes etc. I can't believe I used to hate Miss Lui. I no longer have that anxiety in me, not knowing when Miss Lui will make me answer a question. I kinda want to hear her voice again.

This time round, I have decided to work hard for the O's so that when she comes back, I won't disappoint her or hide away from her. Instead I want to share my good news with her! Mrs Chia told us that she'll be back to witness us get back our results. (:

Miss Yeo is a good teacher too. I know many people had been assuring me that she's nice and all, but haha, her teaching style is TOTALLY different.

Mdm Chee told us that our HMT compositions were badly done and everything. I kinda think I will fail HMT this year because my heart wasn't with the paper at all. Anyway it's over. I will leave the rest to the Almighty.

After school, went to PP with Sherm, Chels and Gen. (: They went to hunt for Mothers' Day gifts while I looked around, feeling so broke and penniless. Haha. All thanks to the four tops I bought yst with Cordelia. Oh my goodness I will not regret buying them though (: I saw a book from MPH and I think I want to get it. It looks good and I may need a book to keep me busy over the June holidays. I bought a card for my mom from Prints and it says, "My mom is the best!" Simple and sweet.

I went home with Chels and we talked quite a lot, mostly about our churches and all. It was great and I feel blessed to be a Christian once again, without any parental objection and so on.

Now let me list down the things I need to buy:
- Zebra marker
- Foolscap paper
- A book from MPH
- New bible
- Photoframe for Mom

(: Bye all.

"Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for Him to act." - Psalms 37:7

2007-05-08T11:45:00.000+08:00

If you don't want to read this, do skip it (:

I feel so much better after ranting. God is so great. I've been going through (not a lot) but I'm still happy. Thanks Chrys, Jasmine Tan, Cheryl and Clara.

Okay it's weird. It really is.

Clara;
Whatever you said to me made an impact okay. Of course I know you will always be there and I know we will never drift apart although we are in different classes now. Don't worry so much about your team and all (: I'm sure everyone's busy mugging and all that we will all neglect some friends. For me, I've been neglecting many of my friends as well. I know everything will iron out by themselves. Cheer up, and don't forget our date next week. I miss the Game of Life, darling. I miss the basketball days. I miss the Scrabble (abreast) and the love and the fun and the photos and the movies and the shopping and the craziness and the bonds and the fights and the quarrels. I miss every single moment I had with you, Sin Yi and Jocina. Thanks for making my life complete. You won't be forgotten okay! (: I love you like nuts!

Jasmine Tan;
Oh my goodness what's with your Shakespearean quotes! xD Thanks for letting me rant. I know you're the best person I can rant with because you are in 2605 and 4207! :D Thank you for those advices. I'm feeling much better and I'm looking forward to the 2e6 ECP meeting! :D Without you, I may not be able to rant about _______ and _______. I know you understand and thanks for wanting to stand up for me yesterday when you didn't really need to do anything at all. I owe you one okay? (: I love you so much & happy birthday to your husband! LOL.

Chrystal;
Nothing needs to be said. I thank God for you and I know we'll meet up again somewhere near ECP. Haha okay. Thanks for letting me knw that you miss 2605 too! I thought I was the only retard. (: I love you, dumb!

I'm not going to dedicate anything to Cheryl because she has been hearing the same old things from me again and again and again and I know she won't like it if I thank her since we're supposed to be best friends. (:

Friday's dinner with mommy Gina and daddy Eugene. Cor and I will be shopping for Gina's mom's day present! :D

Xiang Ru and Lionel are together.
Can't believe it but wish them best :D

When Jesus died on the cross for us to take away all our pains, our illnesses, our transgressions, our sins, our burdens.... then He rose 3 days later to show that He has overcome death; death of all kinds in terms of physical, spiritual, moral and mental.

Because of this, we can live life knowing that we are in good hands.
Because of this, we can live life not having to worry about what comes tomorrow.
Because of this, we can find forgiveness for ourselves as well as for others.
Because of this, we can live life with a peace that is beyond what we understands.
Because of this, I AM FREE! Free from sickness, free from bondages, free from expectations of the world, free from being crushed from the burdens of life and free from living a life of perversity that leads to death.

Thank You Lord I'm able to forgive the people who had upset me over the past few days. It's amazing I had the strength to move on and not shed a single tear over friends - for once.

You forgave me;
That gives me a reason to forgive them.

Afterall, everyone commits mistakes (:

I feel like telling S____ how much I miss her.
I feel like telling J______ how angry I was with her, but forgave her anyway.
I feel like telling L______ how I feel.
I feel like telling J_____ I'm sorry.
I feel like telling S_________ how sorry I was for neglecting her over MYEs.
I feel like telling G_________ how sorry I was for neglecting her over MYEs.

But, I don't have the courage to.

2007-05-08T09:20:00.000+08:00

I love you lah, Chrystal Ngerng :D You're the best person I can rant with when it comes to talking about Sec 2 lives.

I miss being the childish me. I miss 2605! *frowns* It feels like I'm the only one who cannot move on from the past. Haha.

Did I say we bumped into Mr Yap yesterday? Cordelia, Jasmine and I? It was amusing. I miss him much and he will be coming back to teach at the end of May.

Many things have happened. I'm no longer seeing Miss Lui again. She left without a word and I know I will miss her. She's going to help me pass A.Math this term (I hope) and yet she's leaving. I wonder how I'm going to pull through Prelims without her ): No more seriousness during A.Math lessons anymore. I may be getting Loyders as my A.Math teacher again. I hope she can help me.

I heard some stuff from Jasmine Tan about Miss Lui that made Cor and I go bonkers! Hahaha. It's nuts! :D

We went to town yesterday to SHOP but there wasn't anything nice to buy D: I had fun anyway, with my ex-classmates (love) and cell members (love love) :D

I'm ranting to Chrys now.
Telling her all the Sec 2 stuff again and why I became a loner last year over some friends who kinda "dumped" me. Come to think about it now, it's quite amusing actually! x)

Well, I'm going out with Clara, Jo and Qi tomorrow so that will make my day. Thanks babes, for dating me out after so long! (: I cannot wait.

I may be going to town with Cor again later on, but it all depend on our moods.

Okay that's all for today.
Thanks Chrys, for everything. You have to have faith too, that your mommy will be safe and sound :D I love you anyway (:

Bye lovelies; bye lousies;
Janice (:

2007-05-06T19:20:00.000+08:00

I know I'm blogging too much but this is just to thank God for certain stuff.

Cordelia and I prayed about something and He replied us with two different scriptures! (:

Our answer to Gina is a "yes" and we will serve the nations! :D

I'm quite happy because Cor and I dated each other tomorrow. And sometime in the week, Jas and I will go to Sentosa with Sihui and we shall suntan together! Thanks Jas, for the suntanning oil! :D Great favour! :D

I'm trying too hard to not be jealous.

But it's not my fault! *frowns* Some friends are just way too impt to me. I just can't lose them.

Okay that's all.
Bye <3

2007-05-06T10:20:00.000+08:00

OH MY GOODNESS!

):

I doodled something the other day and it flew away so mommy picked it up and read everything. Sigh and it wasn't even supposed to be meant for anyone to read. I'm quite dead. Ugh =/

My phone cannot connect to my computer again.
What a way to start the morning.

):

I was feeling rather $(!@#$%&^*@*#!@&^ yesterday night because I opened up my letter box and read stuff I shouldn't even have read at all.

To _____;
I miss you so much I want to die. Those Sec 1 and 2 days were the best because you were around to cheer me up whenever I broke down in class, which happened almost all the time. And you never failed to pass me those beautiful notes saying, "Come on, cheer up!" and they really cheered me up. I don't know how you did it, but it was so cool and amazing. But why? WHY IN THE WORLD DID WE DRIFT APART? If I knew this was going to happen, if I knew I'm going to see such a drastic change in you, I'd rather not grow up and move on to Sec 3. Or maybe I'd just go to 4/9 together with you (no matter how much I hate History). I'm sorry if this has already turned into a rant, but can you ever imagine not talking to your super good friend just over some lousy change of classes? I MISS YOU, BABE. I want you back more than anything. Why can I talk to Jocina, Siqi, Clara, Steph, Daph, Alicia and Siti even though we are no longer in the same class anymore? Why can't I do it with you? WHY? :'(

Oh my goodness I don't think you can be able to read this but I hope you know that I'm dying to talk to you again. Remember those basketball days where we would mock Clara and _____? Remember the days we went to your house to play Scrabble and the Game of Life? Remember how we used to go to your house and gossip our lives away? How about every morning and recess, we would meet in the basketball court and laugh our guts out? Oh my goodness if you'd forgotten all these memories, I need to tell you that I REMEMBER EVERYTHING BECAUSE I ENJOY EVERY MOMENT WITH YOU.

(Okay I know everything sounds wrong, but honestly I just want to be with you again.)

That was when I started to dig out every single letter/note you wrote for me and took a photo of them. But my lousy phone cannot connect to the computer so forget it. I don't want to cry over seeing such pretty notes you'd given me but I'm just dying to tell you that I still want to be your friend again! ):

I need a time machine.
I want to go back to those Sec 2 days (no matter how nerdy I looked). All I want is to be with the craziest bunch of people making me laugh like nobody's business.

So, Jasmine Tan told everyone in tuition that my laughter is no longer the same as before. YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY? I hate studying. I hate the stupid O's and I don't want to take the exam! ): With all the CAs packing up and all, how am I going to laugh like before?

I've totally lost my childhood. Once you've reached the age of 15, that's it.

I miss you, _____.

Haha okay that was really long. I'm not moodswinging, neither am I emo-ing. I just miss my childhood. & not forgetting those laughing-non-stop days with Cordelia & Grace sitting next to me in class. The support of Chrystal and Steph and Siti and Siqi and Clara and _____ and Val and Alicia. Oh my goodness what a huge bunch of friends.

NO MORE! :D
NO MORE SEC 2s.
Now, move on already. I'm glad there's still 4e2. But I know not long later, I will be back here rambling about how much I miss TKG.

Church later on! :D
I can't believe there's still the Math and Chinese papers tomorrow. All the best, everyone! <3

I got to go bathe already.

Love;
Janice the Great.

P/S; What comes may, you will still be my coolest friend ever, pretty girl.

Can any teacher come and tell me, "Janice, I think you'd forgotten to take your medicine today."

That was from Mr Yap.
How I long for that again (:

2007-05-05T11:40:00.000+08:00

I've got so much to do online! *frowns*

& I'm supposed to do my math papers. Haha okay I'm procrastinating.

Changed my blogskin! (: Oh latest news: I have another niece! :D That makes 3 nieces and 2 nephews.

I almost spoiled my Adobe Photoshop (actually I did) because I was too bored so I kept playing with it until I deleted it by mistake. Hahaha. Okay never mind I'm really bored. Waiting for bitch to come online (actually I made her come because there's no one I can talk to online now) :D

Boredom.
Boredom.
Boredom.

I have cell tomorrow at 11, just Cordelia, Raina and I. According to Gina, we'll be on consolidation duty for this whole month. Whoa, I'd never consolidated before. Hmm, got to ask God for His strength! (: I'm excited anyway.

I can't believe a week just passed by like THAT. Oh man, I really have no idea why. I don't want to grow up at all! ):

I wonder how areJasmine's hamsters doing. After Thunder ate up 4 of her babies, there are 4 left. I HOPE she doesn't eat anymore. I still want my Honeystar! (: Yay, can't wait. Should I ask mommy if I can bring Honeystar home? =/ I'm afraid she'll scream at me or something. Haha because ~~I haven't been feeding my tortoise very much.~~

Prelims.
O's.
PEACE! :D

I think blogging is good. Helps to drive away all my boredom.

Anti-climax, but anyway, I'm quite rich now! :D I have 30 bucks for 5 days every week and normally I would spend it off and by Friday, I would be BROKE. So I either borrow money, take from my daddy or live by faith!

BUT...

Due to the MYEs (and maybe because I didn't go to school yesterday), I saved 12 bucks! :D Like, MIRACLE. I didn't even realised until I opened my wallet and saw CASH. *kaching kaching!*

I shall start saving up for the Great Singapore Sale! :D

I'm not sure if I ever posted that retarded thing before, but I found it in my computer yesterday while deleted unused files. I DIED OF LAUGHTER.

I feel like I owe you everything 'cause you were there when I had nothing♥

2007-05-04T21:30:00.000+08:00

I spent the whole day doing nothing productive. Even mommy has to say my day has been wasted. But no! (: I love being like that, although it may get pretty tiring. After all I'm so used to studying at night.

I'm waiting for Cheryl to call me. (If I realise that she didn't update our blog, I will just bury her alive.)

I cannot wait for 11th May. It's someone's birthday *cough cough* and best friends' night out. *hops around*

I think I'm quite dead for math paper. I shall just ASSUME that nobody is studying for it yet. Maybe if I feel like it, I will do some math papers tomorrow. Heh I hope I will have the mood to do so.

I was feeling quite retarded just now! Took a million photos of myself our of boredom. Sometimes I wish I have someone for me to camwhore with. *frowns* I had to camwhore with my beloved Garfield instead. Haha yes, go ahead and roll your eyes. ONE TWO THREE *rolls eyes in unison*

I'm quite happy now because exams are sort of over. It has been such a barrier for me ): I had to miss EJ288 and leaders meeting because of Bio ~~(which I didn't study for)~~ and limited my chat-time with Cheryl to 10 minutes! D: & last but not least, I sacrificed 4 eyelashes from my left eye while studying for Geog. I had no idea why they keep dropping. All thanks to stress! How interesting/nice/helpful the MYEs have been.

Insolent juniors. Jasmine, don't be brought down by their behaviour! Seriously, they don't deserve such a senior like you. We should all know by now the Sec 1s this year are just so complicated. *frowns*

I find reading ________'s blog pretty inscrutable. I wish I knew what ________ meant but I can't.
Hold your breath and count to 10 and trust that everything will be okay.

I don’t know why this post is so random.
I’m sorry for being so self-centered. I’m sorry for letting time slip away just like that. Sometimes I wish I never got to know you, but without knowing you, perhaps until now, I wouldn’t know what is the meaning of true friendship & to a certain extent, love. You may not know this but I hope you’re aware that you’d made a difference in my life. Sorry for not having the courage to face you. I’m really glad you understood how I felt back then. Unlike others, you continued to stay with me until the end of every problem. No word can describe how thankful I am to God for letting us know one another, although we won’t be seeing each other anymore. Thank you for bringing sweet memories into my life, and giving me the best one could ever give. Thank you for putting up with my rants during those lonely times. When everything seems to fall on me, you never failed to give me the love I really needed, filling me with God’s love all over again, building me up with His words and not forgetting the countless prayers you’d prayed together with me. If I knew I had to leave you one day, I wouldn’t want to know you at all. At least I won’t be feeling this emptiness inside me right now. Without you, a part of me seems to be gone. Don’t worry for me; I promise I will look to God more and more each day. I know God has a reason for placing us together. I wish you best in Aussie and will keep you in prayer, like the way you did for me in the past. I know I promised I won’t cry, but please forgive me if I do. I love you and will really miss you <3
Life ain’t meaningless.
If someone special had to walk out of your life, bear in mind that life goes on and there’s much more to look forward to. (:

2007-05-04T12:30:00.000+08:00

I've never felt so relaxed before. Why do I feel like the Os are already over? =/

Anyway, I'm glad that I've managed to learn what is the true meaning of "committing" and "surrendering". Last year, I've always seen "surrendering" as giving it all to God but yet worry about everything that's going to happen. Take 2006 finals for example. I didn't tell God my goals, I didn't even talk to Him nights before the papers. All I did was to say a short prayer before a paper and called that "surrendering to God". And when things don't turn out the way I want them to be, I started blaming God and thought that He doesn't care anymore.

No, that was the past.

Now, I know what it means to surrender. At least I know even if I may need to drop Bio or combine my sciences, God will make better plans for me. And His plans never fail.

Yesterday night when I was talking on the phone with Cheryl, I had no idea why I told her about anti-Christ. All of a sudden, whatever Ann shared with us on Wed hit me. I felt the urgency in bringing Mommy and Daddy to Christ because anytime soon, I may not have the opportunity to share Christ with them anymore. By then, wouldn't God be asking me, "Why didn't you seize the opportunities that I'd given you to share Christ with them?"

I called Cordelia and asked her about anti-Christ, just to double-check. And yes, I think I really got to pray for revival in school and at home, taken the fact that I'm the only Christian in my whole entire extended family (if you don't count my brother, who ran away from God years back).

Nobody says it's going to be easy. But I've got to do it because it's an order from the Almighty.

I seriously cannot wait for 12 May to come! :D
Jackie Pullinger will be coming to preach. Oh yes!

I was reading my brother's "God Chasers" yesterday and I believe it didn't read that by accident. It was good & almost everything I read had got something to do with what Ann shared with us that day.

"That's an interesting phrase, isn't it? Catching Him. Really, it's an impossible phrase. We can no more catch Him than the east can catch the west; they're too far removed from each other. It's like playing chase with my daughter. Often as she arrives home from a day of school, we play this little game that countless fathers and children play around the world. When she comes and tries to catch me, even with my hulking frame, I really don't have to run. I just artfully dodge this way and then that, and she can't even touch me, because a six-year-old can't catch an adult. But that's not really the purpose of the game, because a few minutes into it, she laughingly says, 'Oh daddy,' and it's at that moment that she captures my heart, if not my presence or body. And then I turn and she's no longer chasing me, but I'm chasing her, and I catch her and we tumble in the grass with hugs and kisses. The pursuer becomes the pursued. So can we catch Him? Not really, but we can catch His heart. David did. And if we catch His heart, then He turns and chases us. That's the beauty of being a God chaser. You're chasing the impossible, knowing it's possible."

That whole paragraph spoke to me. I WANT TO BE A GOD CHASER TOO :D

(: I'm going to keep reading that book. God's timing.

I woke up in the morning with this song playing in my mind subconsciously. It is "Who Am I" by Casting Crowns and I'd been listening to it ever since Cheryl told me about it. It's an old song, but still has power in it.

Casting Crowns - Who Am I

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

Chorus:
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours

Thank You Jesus.

I've found myself;
Janice.

2007-05-03T15:35:00.000+08:00

Heh two more papers to go. *hyperventilates*

Thank You Lord, for friends being there to encourage me not to drop Bio. And also friends who know what's best for me! :D

Thank You, for even helping me to crap some answers for essay questions even though I know NOTHING about anything.

I may not get my C5 for both sciences, but through the MYEs, I know I have friends by me and God to be my pillar of support.

Now I regret not studying for Bio because it was easy. If only I'd studied, I may get a B4 at least. It's okay, over anyway.

My handwriting was screwed during Lit paper. I'm quite ~~worried~~ I won't do well for Lit and SS because of my atrocious handwriting for both papers. It's totally UNREADABLE.

Lunch after school with the lousy people - Heng, Si, Wan and Yu (if you know who they are). I saw Steph on the bus! (:

Just because I'm Pei, they are Heng, Si, Wan and Yu. MOCK ME RIGHT! Now it's my turn to mock all of you back. *rolls eyes* Haha yes Wan thinks I cannot roll my eyes properly. She says I take forever to roll my eyes. But Yibin's way worse. She flutters her eyelids.

Let F be the allele for ability to "flutter eyelids".
Let f be the allele for disability to "flutter eyelids".

So... That makes me ff because I'm homo recessive! :D Hahahahahahahahaha Yibin is FF! Heng and Si are Ff because they can flutter ~~if they want to~~ (I don't know how they do it). Wan, Yu and I are ff. Yay join the club, everyone! (:

I had so much fun laughing over small things. I totally lost myself over these few days because of the stress piling up everywhere. Now I thank God it's (going to be) over! :D

There! My MSN nick says it, "PEACEFUNLOVEJOYLAUGHTER!"

Thank you Jasmine Low for calling me yst night to help out with Biology, although I really cannot take in any more info because my head was on the verge of exploding. You helped anyway, by encouraging me etc. Love!

And to the rest of the class who tried convincing/propagandizing me to not drop Bio, you guys made a difference too! I'm glad I didn't cry during the paper. (:

Okay I shall stop here.
I can't wait for Math and Chinese papers to be over. Then I can go out and enjoy.

Bye lovelies;
Janice the love.

P/S Happy birthday Chesed! Hope you like the 16 presents given by us! :D

2007-05-02T17:00:00.000+08:00

Cheryl is so not going to update our blog.

Okay fine. Haha anyway, I'm going to die tomorrow, like seriously.

First of all, until now I have no idea what is going on in Macbeth and I haven't really started memorising Bio so what am I doing here now?

Basically, I am here to thank God for several things that has been going on.

Thank You Lord for keeping the TKcell alive and going!
Thank You Lord for helping me pull through 6 papers in total! Continue to give me strength for the remaining 4 papers! :D
Thank You Lord for helping me with the A.Math paper. I may not be able to score very well, but at least I know my God was with me throughout the exam.

Geog paper wasn't very well done because I didn't finish the last qn and I randomly picked an answer for the MCQs, but nevertheless, God's gna take care of the rest!

(((: Cordelia officially dropped Bio. What a temptation. I might as well drop it so that I don't have to study for my paper tomorrow. But nooo! Hold on tight and finish this race by GOD's grace. Amen.

Thanks for all the support, everyone! (: I will work hard for the rest of my papers.
To those having their MYEs, all the best too! xD

Bye world.

2007-05-01T10:00:00.000+08:00

I'm quite dead, everybody ):

No more C5 for Chemistry.

Oh no.

I will work hard for Geog and Bio.
Yes, especially Bio.

I will be happy after thursday, I promise!

But sigh. Why am I still here?
No point ranting, I guess. The school's just giving me so much stress. For once, I studied EVERYTHING I needed to know for a paper, but still, I'm going to fail anyway. So what's the point now?

After the papers had been collected, I was like, "TKGS is so discouraging."

C'mon, I STUDIED.

Never mind. I want to move on already. This whole thing had ruined my mood yesterday. Sigh Ezekiel is psycho-ing me to not drop to combined sci. *frowns* I'm quite confused.

Can anyone pass Literature if you don't even know what the story is talking about?
Okay all the best to me man.

Nevertheless, thank God for Labour Day.
And thank You for being by me throughout the paper. I could feel your presence. Thank You for reminding me that "results cannot qualify me to Heaven".

I will not lose faith just because of one failure. I know my God has better plans for me. Amen. (;

2007-04-29T10:50:00.000+08:00

Okay back with some photos! (: Enjoy.

Look at Cordelia's Mr Fishfinger. Hahahahahahahahahahaha.

Meet the lousy people! x)

We are superwoman-wannabes! (:

Oh my gosh! xD

Hello Ann! :D

I love love love love love TGFTK. Thanks girls!
~~P/S; I choose not to post Su's obscene photo up here! (:~~

Let me talk about yesterday okay!

I went to Jas's house to "study" but I couldn't concentrate because her house was too comfortable. &&& GUESS WHAT? Haha Thunder (her hamster) gave birth to 8, as in EIGHT babies! But she ate away 3 ): I was quite excited because it was sadly, my first encounter with baby hamsters! Okay fine I'm deprived. Goodness gracious I'm adopting one of them and I'm naming him/her (preferably a male) HONEYSTAR! (:

To Jas Tan;
Thanks for letting me call you and talk rubbish although we were in the midst of MYEs! You are one friend that truly understands. Haha thanks for telling me what are the impt Chem stuff to remember and what are not-so-important! You're my SUMMARIZER. (: I love you!

I'm not sure why I keep thinking of Wild Wild Wet and Escape Theme Park and PEACEFUNLOVEJOYLAUGHTER!

Study, Janice.
STUDY.

Teehee. I think I will fail Chem because until now, nothing really went into my head because the facts keep running away from my brain. But I'm going to trust God! :D & bring my notes to Church just in case I really need to memorize something. It feels so odd staying at home at this time because normally I will be on my way to Church already. And can you believe it? I will be rushing home immediately after svc to catch up on my Chemistry!

I love you, Chemistry. Help me score a C5 pretty please! :D

Goodbye, world.

You will never understand how important you are to me, even as a friend.

2007-04-27T23:25:00.000+08:00

Okay let me talk about today! :D

Basically, I love today so much because of TGFTK! (:
One word: FANTABULOUS! xD

We were NOT defeated by the devil. This was what happened:

1) Maxine and I had A.Math remedial and we were told yst so I thought we cldn't make it for cell today.
2) Su Ann did not bring her guitar in the morning so she said she will get it after school.
3) Cordelia was told to leave the classroom block for I-don't-know-what reason.
4) After A.Math remedial, I dated Jas and Net to lunch together although I knew I had something on.
5) Cordelia wanted to cancel it off because there was no guitar and we had no place for cell and she did not prepare for worship and she received a msg that totally made us me pretty sad.

But in the end, I canceled my date and we had cell together in the canteen! (:

So in the end, we had EIGHT (Ann, Cor, Hui Teng, Jas, Max, Phoebe, Su and I) people for cell today. Praise God. After going through obstacles, we pulled through. Thank you Cor for leading worship although you didn't know what to do. I'm sure God will lead you so that you can lead us! (:

After the awesome worship, sharing and praying, we CAMWHORED! xD I could feel the love among all of us, even though I only got to know some of them 2 weeks ago. It was great and it made my Friday.

I really, really, really thank God for 'Thank God for TK (TGFTK)' because this has been something I want to see ages ago! And yes, though we are leaving the school soon, it's never too late. At least we STARTED something for our juniors to carry it on. So yes! :D I'm really glad and thankful.

It is just so amazing seeing the way I talked to Ann and Su as though I knew them from young. But in actual fact, I only got to know them 2 weeks ago. Gosh, God is really doing something in our lives! *grins*

I love love love this whole TGFTK thing! (:

Yes, I'll upload the photos soon, once Ann sends them over. Haha some obscene and retarded ones.

After the rest had gone home, Ann and I studied at the canteen for a while. We couldn't stay still for long so we ended up ~~CAMWHORING and talking rubbish~~. Haha so amusing. We bought ourselves an ice-cream each when it was raining pigs and donkeys please! ~~Anti-climax!~~

I went to look for Law and Chua at Coffeebean. If only those two ~~jokers~~ can stop calling me "cheapo", "cheapskate" or whatever, PIGS CAN FLY. Seriously, from the minute I reached Coffeebean, they laughed at every word I said. I wonder what I did wrong =/ So irritating okay, lousies! Haha.

There's nothing wrong being economical! (:
Stop mocking me! ):

Thank you lovelies Chua & Law for motivating me to study.
And yes Lynette, I will study after this. Promise! 3 hours okay! :D

I had too much fun & love today that I feel like stopping the clock because I want to feel this way forever and ever and ever and ever.

Oh yes something stupid happened during recess today. I, ~~being nice as usual~~, accompanied Lynette Chua to the General Office for some random stuff, then I saw this set of SS notes outside the General Office and it kinda caught my eyes so...

Me: Oh my gosh what is this thing doing here? *laughs*
Lynette: *laughs*
Me: *looks closely* Oh wait, I think that's my notes! *laughs even harder*
Lynette: Oh yeah! That's your handwriting!
The woman inside: *blank look*

Okay so I collected my stuff from the General Office. I didn't want to collect that random shit initially because the lady inside didn't believe those notes were mine and it was embarrassing enough for me. Then the lousy Net Chua said I need those notes for my Prelims so I decided to take them back. It was quite spastic because I didn't even realise my notes were missing in the first place. &&& until now, I'm trying to figure out where I left them. I think I left them on one of the chairs outside the hall. Hmm... But anyway it was an embarrassing experience. Haha I should've just forget about it and pretended the notes weren't mine =/

All of a sudden, it feels like I'm set free from all troubles.
2 more days to Church!
5 more days to TGFTK!
~~3748977097590372894790238905~~ years to Cluster Camp '07! *frowns*

Thanks Ann, for reminding me.

Aaahh, God will see me through and out of this whole MYE thing! Thank you to those darlings who've dated me! Although we're still in the midst of MYEs, we're already thinking of peace, fun and laughter. Hoho this is what TKG-ians are all about.

Sakae (with my lousies), Escape Theme Park (with Chels poop and company), shopping plans, Sentosa tanning (with the lousies), flagging (with retarded Si Lin) and many many more!

OH GOSH KILL ME. Evonne and I were going crazy during A.Math remedial because we were talking about our best friend - THE DOLLAR SIGN ($$$). Haha you should have imagined what we were talking about. I was telling her how much I wish to find a stack of a thousand-dollar notes on the floor. (Okay at this point of time I know what Net and Jas will say about me but who cares! I'm just being Janice.) Then she started telling me about the Forever 21 sale! Oh gosh! *hyperventilates and faints*

Although Evonne loves vegetables and I don't, we have some things in common!
1) We'll be rushing to the Forever 21 sale coming up.
2) We both want to marry a filthy rich guy. *ka-ching ka-ching!*
3) The dollar sign ($$$) is our best friend! :D

I'm not supposed to be thinking of these nonsensical things. Okay bye ~~blog~~ world!

Wahweewhoo I'm really high now (:

[edit]
I got whacked in my butt by Mdm Chee because I forgot to collect smth for the class! Dx But oh gosh I love her so much I wna die ): Can we don't band pretty please please puh-lease with sugar and spice? I want to spend another few months with Mdm Chee.

P/S Jasmine Tan just dated me. Okay so my post-mids activities will be super packed.
[/edit]

2007-04-26T19:30:00.000+08:00

I SAW A DEAD RAT ON MY WAY HOME AND I ALMOST STEPPED ON IT.

Okay super traumatizing experience.

Double eww. *tries acting like a bimbo*

Haha actually, I came here just to blog about this because I think it's my first encounter with a (dead) rat.

Tong Yibin stop playing with your new spects! *grins*

I love you Cordelia Yeo.

Okay bye world (:

If only I never knew you.
If only things are different now.

2007-04-25T16:50:00.000+08:00

I haven't been back for quite some time. (:

Life is great. I love it the way it is now.

Firstly, thanks to those who supported me during my weak times. (Not exactly weak, but I wasn't feeling very happy for the past week and I believe I was PMS-ing so yes!)
Secondly, MYE so far has been alright. So, thanks for the prayers etc. I'm sure it's going to be fine because HOPE is in GOD.
Thirdly, I love this life GOD has blessed me with.

Thank you friends. (:

Thanks Jasmine (Law) for the chocolate! I'm sorry I ate it because Von told me it was very nice so I was tempted. I love you too lousy!
Thanks Jasmine (Tan) for helping me with SS and studying with me though studying with me can be such a bore yet you didn't mind! :D I love you.
Thanks Cordelia for the postcard and encouragement. Oh my gosh I can never stop thanking God for friends like you, who never fail to encourage others. I love you too.
Thanks Cheryl for talking to me on the phone every night although I could be busy studying yet you didn't mind me being quiet. (: ~~Needless to say~~ you know I love you right!
Thanks Ezekiel for that msg this morning. I needed that a whole lot. It helped and encouraged me lots. God will bless you too, brother!
Thanks to those who helped me build up my confidence these days. Without you guys, I may not be able to endure these days of MUGGING.
Thanks to those who prayed for me! I know my flu's getting out of hand. *frowns* But GOD is my HEALER.
& please take care of yourself, Genevieve Kee!

Praise God!
Although I slept really, really late last night, I didn't yawn throughout the SS paper and was wide awake until Chinese lesson. Well, at least I managed to focus on my paper! (:

No complication.
Simple & sweet.

Now, don't ask me why I'm here. I know I need to mug for Bio - the boring-est subject ever *faints* Sorry Shermaine I don't like it very much! ):

I will fold straw hearts for some people first before studying!

So I guess I should go now.

Beautiful creation.

Everyone makes mistakes.
Some admit their mistakes and learn from them, while others make up fake excuses to get away from their wrongdoings. I know it's not your first, and last making excuses for yourself. Sorry but I've already accepted whatever you said about me. Life moves on right? :D I'm moving on. Are you?

To my fats: GO AWAYYY! D:

2007-04-21T09:20:00.000+08:00

Oh yes (: Let me talk about yesterday. It was great! :D

After school, there was a supposedly farewell part 2. But I missed it because everyone told me it was at 4pm, so I went for TKcell and I missed the whole thing! (They changed it to 3.30pm and nobody told me about it.)

It's okay though! (: Divya told me that I can get the PPT slides from the CLs or ACLs.

Alright, TKcell yesterday was our first official meeting (: Worship was good and all (: I'm quite proud of ourselves. Come to think about it, I never once imagined that we can actually start something in TK! :D We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us! Then we went on discussing about whether we should invite Mrs Pang and Mrs Hoy, our fellow FCBC-ians, to join us & decided to wait till we're more stable etc. I love you, TKcell!

Cordelia and I went to "study" after that and we didn't study at all. ~~I ate 2 cup noodles!~~ Whoops. & yesterday was one day I laughed the hardest over some retarded video clip in Cordelia's phone but Jasmine Law spoiled everything by saying that it wasn't funny at all. *Frowns*

We went for RL288 meeting after much consideration and it was good good good. God spoke to me through TKcell and through the RL288 meeting. I'm glad that through my sorrows, He has already turned them into joy, unknowingly.

I know he won't be able to read this, but thanks Stanley (: For sharing that little testimony with us and letting me know that God will turn sorrows into joy, giving us strength to move on and grow through the whole process!

I don't know why it feels awesome to see my brothers and sisters-in-Christ! (: Oh yes, to those concerned, Pastor Laifun is alright now. Her baby is going strong for Christ yes! Cor and I shared about the TKcell and our lives. I love my Pastor so much.

Of course, when you bump into blogs and feel/think that friends don't care for you, or maybe they could have brought you down with their words, but has it ever crossed your mind that it's all your own feelings/thoughts? Things may not be what you see. So, as to whatever I read a few minutes ago, I will take it that my friend was building me up instead of trying to make things difficult for me. (:

On a brighter note:

Finally, I told a friend how I felt about this person. She understood and she even shared how she felt. & amazingly, both of us felt exactly the same way! We began to rant and rant until we became tired of talking! That was how much we talked. Now I know, if you don't open up your mouth to share, you're not going to know if anyone else in this world shares the same thoughts as you. So, thank you friend! I had fun ranting with you and I never knew we think the same way. I love you and you know who you are (:

Cheryl;
Hey precious! (: I want to assure you that things will be fine. You know what I'm talking about. Just remember that no matter what happens in the future, you will still have me and the cool-est cell on the universe! :D Oh my goodness, I love you so much too. Thanks for letting me rant the craziest things ever and giving time to express myself. It's such a bore hearing me talk about things that you don't really understand, but you stood by me anyway. Don't worry, I will keep your secretS with all my life okay (: I don't like to hear/see you cry over the same matters again and again. But whatever it is, rest assured that I will keep you in prayer!

P/S I'm really sad I won't be able to see you in Youth tomorrow! ): And with all that mugging for MYE, how am I going to catch up with youuu! ):

Huiwen;
Oh my gosh you don't know how much I miss you okay! You didn't give me your new number, lousy! ): Yes I want to meet up! (: We have so much to catch up on okay! I hope to see you soon babe. Love!

Jasmine;
Don't be upset over Lightning! You still have Thunder and the *ahem* funky cell! (: Love!

Last but not least;

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY RAINA POOP! ♥

I lovelovelovelovelovelovelove you and your silliness!
Thanks for the silly days, esp in RL288 retreat!

I really treasure friends like you, Raina. Someone who never fails to encourage lousy people like me, no matter how much I fail, you still love me the same. Thank you, sister-in-Christ. God bless you, babe (:

Life ain't that bad sometimes! :D I shall move on and leave my problems behind since there are much more to life, and the world isn't about me (:

I have cool friends, indeed (:

Who am I that You are mindful of me?
That You hear me
When I call
Is it true that You are thinking of me?
How You love me
It's amazing

I'm a friend of God!

Thank You Lord for making a way for me.

Love so much;
Janice ♥

2007-04-18T22:15:00.000+08:00

I hate this feeling.

~~As though the whole damn world doesn't understand a single shit out of you.~~

2007-04-17T20:20:00.000+08:00

What a quiz said about me which I hate to say, is very true.

You are trying to prove to others that nothing can really affect you. You are pretending to be stoical - indifferent to pain or pleasure and indeed even superior to any form of weakness. As a result, more often than not, you unfortunately act with undue harshness or severity by adopting an autocratic and self-willed attitude.

You are looking for excitement and stimulation and you are ready to try anything - but be careful not to take too many risks.

It's the time of year that you are apt to become extremely restless and emotionally withdrawn. This is preventing you from becoming deeply involved with a person or persons within your sphere of influence. If you are willing to 'let go' and release your inhibitions you will find that a great deal of physical satisfaction will result, far more than perhaps you even believed you were capable of.

You are feeling full of uncertainty and worrying over what you consider as missed opportunities. This is causing considerable stress and tension. You feel that there must be more to life than the constant pressures and anxieties - that surely life must hold far more opportunities than that which it has to date presented to you. You sincerely believe that there must be a simpler way to tap life's hidden recourses and should you be able to find that way - you could achieve your hearts desire. It's the not knowing 'how' that is affording you the constant worry. You are constantly probing and seeking - trying to ensure that at all times you are on your guard against missing any opportunity. 'Enough is enough'. You are anxious to avoid further setbacks. You are strenuously trying to make sure that you will not be overlooked and you badly need security.

You are afraid that you may not be able to realize or achieve your hopes and desires and so you insist that people should accept you as you are and appreciate your rights to anything that you aspire to.

How true. How true.

Torment.

2007-04-17T18:45:00.000+08:00

Today is an exhausting day for me. I have an ulcer on my tongue and it hurts real bad! D:

When I say I had enough, I mean it.

(: But yay, I finally seen your real character. Whatever I'd just gone through taught me many lessons. I still have God to help me stand firm.

K let me put problems aside first.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LYNETTE CHUA!
You know we all love you & I hope you enjoyed the surprise! I think helium balloons are the cool-est creation ever! :D

I cannot wait to turn 16, but then again, I wish I can hold on to time and stop letting it creep away.

Ugh, life's really tough. My birthday will not be half as good as Net's. No one's going to bother much about birthdays after June. Everyone will just be busy cramping knowledge from textbooks into their brain. Okay =/

(: I'm still wondering if I should go for RL288 meeting on Friday all the way at Bukit Merah. So far right! ):

I have tons and tons and tons of homework. Evonne and I just couldn't stop complaining about our workload on our way home. Tsk tsk.

I have Chemistry '02 paper, DHS Higher Chinese paper and Geog worksheet! D:

God will make a way, amen (:

It's really time for me to forget myself and focus on Him.

2007-04-16T20:05:00.000+08:00

Hello planet Earth (:

After such a long and tiring day, I can finally plant my butt on a chair and do something I really want to do.

First of all, thank you my darling Sec 3s for the MYUK thing! I don't really know what's that for since I already had my present on Friday, but thanks anyway (: I was kinda shocked when Candice told me they left something else for me in the morning. I love you, juniors! (: ~~I was close to tears because I said something really wrong about them few weeks ago.~~

Lessons today were pretty boring, but my iced-coffee saved me! :D During English lesson, I was drafting out my blog post for today because at that time, I had many thoughts to share. But now, unfortunately, I cannot remember much.

I was attempting my Chemistry '06 paper last night when I had a spiritual attack. Not one that's big enough to ruin my mood, but it kinda affected me and due to that, I couldn't concentrate on the paper anymore. *frowns* It's so wasted. I can hardly bring myself to study and when I could study, something like that must ruin my studying mood.

Mrs Loy calls me by 2 names: Janice & Pei Ying.
Probability that she'll call me "Janice" is 1/2 (:

She called me four times today and out of the four times, she called me "Janice" twice and "Pei Ying" twice. Seems like she's a indecisive person. & somehow I felt bad for pissing her off during math remedial. She said that Chels, Zan, Net and I were the distract-ors and that we should leave the place. Uh-oh haha.

Tuition was cool and we spent off the last 15 minutes chatting with Mrs Ng regarding birth & pregnancy. I know it's a beautiful process but God knows how much it hurts. Until now, Jasmine Tan and I are still traumatized by the Bio video clip.

Speaking of Bio, I feel like just giving it up since I won't be able to use it for my R5.

I'm craving for fried mars bars! Lynette, we shall steal Evelyn from Evonne one fine day and have our fried mars bars together! :D

Thanks Cordelia, for destroying my photo =/

I hate finding out truths.

Don't apologize when you don't even mean it at all. &&&, I'm sorry I tricked you. I hope you realized it was all a game.

I'm not blind. I don't make friends who bitch about me. Not to you, definitely.

Love; Janice.

P/S Don't talk about TKGuides please! I'm missing it so much. Only till now have I realised how impt it is to treasure what I have now. I shan't take things for granted anymore.

2007-04-15T16:45:00.000+08:00

Hello world! :D

Church today was great, as usual. But I have no idea why I get angry over the slightest things. *frowns*

During sermon, I was flipping through my notebook and found out several things about myself. I used to be so crazy over God with my child-like faith, yet now things go for a change. I no longer find myself who I used to be.

Then I found this phrase I doodled after getting back a math paper, in which I failed by 1 mark. It says, "It's not the results that matter; it's the process that counts." Just reading that encourages me. I just cannot believe that the girl I used to be doodle words of encouragement to motivate myself to move on. And yet now, I feel like I longer have the strength to help myself anymore.

I hate it when I drift away from friends. I just don't like the idea of not spending quality time with friends, especially for those I treasure with all my heart. But despite how much I hate it, I go through it EVERYDAY. Only till today have I realized that friends are way too important in my life that it's tiring me out. Often, I forgot about my ultimate Friend & neglected Him just because I chose to go all out for friends of the world. & due to this, I cannot let go and become overly possessive of my friends.

So... I'm sorry Cheryl and thanks for forgiving and understanding. It rocks to have a ~~babe~~ friend like you, lah! :D

JEALOUSY - with a "lousy" at the back of it.
Only lousy people feel jealous over small things.

Here's one more thing I found in my book:
"Don't ever let go of the ultimate Love, just because things don't turn out the way you want them to."

And the word "forever", is only applicable when it comes to God. This is because God's love is forever, since He doesn't fail us like humans do.

For every start, there will be an end. But God's love will never cease. Even death cannot take hold of Christ. I know God is teaching me something by taking away friend after friend. Everything from the world is deceit; everything from God is genuine.

At this point of time, I remember something that Ezekiel told me before. Nothing in this world is ever "impossible" because "i.m.possible"!

(: I really need to recommit my life to Jesus Christ before I can see a breakthrough in my studies, as well as in my family.

I can get C5 amen.

Thanks to those who promised me you'll keep me in prayer. I so love you guys! xD
&&, sorry to those whom I gave attitude to. I've been having random moodswings lately & it seems like only Cheryl can take up with my nonsense. So thanks ~~BABE~~ SLUT! (:

So now, I'm msn-ing Jasmine Tan now & we're ranting to each other. It's so fun! I feel so much better after ranting with her. We were literally flooding the whole conversation with our rants. (: Yay, I love Jasmine Tan Hui Min & cheer up please! The sky ain't falling down on you. It's not the end of the world, lousy! (((:

Oh no I was sad & jealous & angry about an hour ago. Now, I feel so much better. (: Let's work hard okay, O-levelers! (:

Clar's MSN nick goes, "Fat people are harder to kidnap".
And you know what I mean (: K fine, no further elaboration.

I hate my tortoise sometimes. She's so irritating. Now I have tortoise shit in my room and in the hall. It's gross and I'm going to call my mom right after this post. Eek what's with my tortoise! *frowns* ~~I pray that I don't slip over tortoise pee today.~~

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
- 2 Corinthians 12:9

I love my God (:

Let me end this post with what Cheryl & Ezekiel once said to encourage me:

"Jan, God gave you these problems because He knows you have the capability of handling them. Are you gonna disappoint God by giving up? Don't be a coward. Christians are dare-angels."

"The bible says God chose the weaker ones to lead the strong."

I'm complete in Christ after all.

2007-04-15T09:45:00.000+08:00

Oh man I'm so deprived of sleep that I managed to sleep at 12am? I mean, I slept for FIVE WHOLE HOURS in the afternoon and I could still sleep like a log at night. Cool.

But now, I wonder how on earth am I going to complete:
2 Chem papers
1 Math paper
4 Chinese papers and
1 A.Math paper

Go Jan (: I still want my C5!

Okay so, I don't know where's that emptiness in me coming from.

Never mind about sad stuff.

To Cheryl;
Bestie (: I lovelovelove you too. Sorry for not spending quality time with you. And pleasepleaseplease take care when you work there. I still think it's unsafe! *frowns* I don't want anything to happen to you.*blows kisses*

To you:
Sorry for everything that you've to put up with. ~~I kinda miss you ):~~

2007-04-14T22:45:00.000+08:00

The bunch of girls I heart the most-est. Thanks for standing by me all the time (: